is the annual subject for University mirth, and if not the _fountain_, is certainly the very _foundation_ of Cambridge University honours: without _the spoon_, not a man in the _Tripos_ would have a _leg to stand upon_: in fact, it would be a top without a bottom, _minus_ the spoon. Yet "this luckless wight," says the compiler of the Cambridge Tart, is annually a universal butt and laughing-stock of the whole Senate-House. He is the last of those men who take _honours_ of his year, and is called a "_junior optime_," and notwithstanding his being superior to them all, the lowest of the [Greek: Hoi polloi] or Gregarious Undistinguished Bachelors, think themselves entitled to shoot their pointless arrows against the "_wooden spoon_," and to reiterate the perennial remark, that, "_wranglers_" are born with _golden_ spoons in their mouths; "_senior optimes_" with _silver_ spoons; "_junior optimes_" with _wooden spoons_, and the [Greek: Hoi polloi] with _leaden_ spoons in their mouths. It may be here, however, observed, that it is unjust towards the _undistinguished bachelors_ to say that "he (the spoon) is superior to them all." He is generally a man who has read hard, _id est_, has _done his best_, whilst the undistinguished bachelors, it is well known, include many men of considerable, even superior talents, but having no taste for _mathematics_, have merely read sufficient to get a degree; consequently _have not done their best_. The muse has thus invoked THE WOODEN SPOON. When sage _Mathesis_ calls her sons to fame, The _Senior Wrangler_ bears the highest name. In academic honour richly deckt, He challenges from all deserved respect. But, if to visit friends he leaves his gown, And flies in haste to cut a dash in town, The wrangler's title, little understood, Suggests a man in disputation good; And those of common talents cannot raise, Their humble thoughts a wrangler's mind to praise. Such honours to an Englishman soon fade, Like laurel wreaths, the victor's brows that shade. No such misfortune has that man to fear, Whom fate ordains the last in fame's career; His honours fresh remain, and e'en descend To soothe his family, or chosen friend. And while he lives, he _wields_ the boasted prize, Whose value all can feel, the weak, the wise; Displays in triumph his distinguished boon, The solid honours of the WOODEN SPOON!