Nye and Riley's Wit and Humor (Poems and Yarns)Riley, James Whitcomb
General
Nye and Riley's Wit and Humor (Poems and Yarns)
Riley, James Whitcomb
American wit and humor
He then held the door open for me, and shortly after that I came away.
There were three reasons why I did not remain, but the principal reason
was that I did not think he wanted me to do so.
And so I came away and left him. There was little else that I could say
after that.
It is not the first time that a Western man has been treated with
consideration in his own section, only to be frowned upon and frozen
when he meets the same man in New York.
Mr. Gould is below the medium height, and is likely to remain so through
life. His countenance wears a crafty expression, and yet he allowed
himself to be April-fooled by a genial little party of gentlemen from
Boston, who salted the Central Branch of the Union Pacific Railroad by
holding back all the freight for two weeks in order to have it on the
road while Jay was examining the property.
Jay Gould would attract very little attention here on the streets, but
he would certainly be looked upon with suspicion in Paradise. A man who
would fail to remember that he had $7,000,000 that belonged to the Erie
road, but who does not forget to remember whenever he paid his own hotel
bills at Washington, is the kind of man who would pull up and pawn the
pavements of Paradise within thirty days after he got there.
After looking over the above statement carefully, I feel called upon, in
justice to myself, to state that Dr. Burchard did not assist me in
constructing the last sentence.
For those boys who wish to emulate the example of Jay Gould, the example
of Jay Gould is a good example for them to emulate.
If any little boy in New York on this beautiful Sabbath morning desires
to jeopardize his immortal soul in order to be beyond the reach of want,
and ride gayly over the sunlit billows where the cruel fangs of the
Excise law cannot reach him, let him cultivate a lop-sided memory, swap
friends for funds and wise counsel for crooked consols.
If I had thought of all this as I came down the front steps at Irvington
the other day, I would have said it to Mr. Gould; but I did not think of
it until I got home. A man's best thoughts frequently come to him too
late for publication.
[Illustration]
But the name of Jay Gould will not go down to future generations linked
with those of Howard and Wilberforce. It will not go very far anyway. In
this age of millionaires, a millionaire more or less does not count very
much, and only the good millionaires who baptize and beautify their
wealth in the eternal sunlight of unselfishness will have any claim on
immortality.
In this period of progress and high-grade civilization, when Satan takes
humanity up to the top of a high mountain and shows his railroads and
his kerosene oil and his distilleries and his coffers filled with pure
leaf lard, and says: "All this will I give for a seat in the Senate," a
common millionaire with no originality of design does not excite any
more curiosity on Broadway than a young man who is led about by a little
ecru dog.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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