American fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, American -- Periodicals
Now, old Lowenstein, he can’t be all wrong--but Constance Corthwaite’s
place can’t be wrong at all. This place is right--for her brand of
people. And the house--now, the house must be right, too. It wasn’t
what he liked himself, but it was right. It was bound to be right. It
wasn’t as if she didn’t always get the best. She could have anything in
the world, and she knew what was right--and she had this. And if this
was right, the Club Levering was wrong. He turned a little cold at the
thought. The club was his creation, it was his dream, it was, in fact,
himself, and it was wrong!
He stooped and picked up a sheet of the newspaper and folded it gently
and exactly.
Corthwaite--she knows. She’s the kind that don’t make mistakes about
houses.
He was not soothed and comforted in the sunlight now. He was acutely
and miserably fighting with doubt and distrust. For if the Club
Levering was wrong, then he was wrong. He had missed. He was cheated.
He was being shown a land that he could never enter, and desolately,
and suddenly now, he thought it was the only land worth entering.
Oh, the terrible, silent scorn of this house, in its rightness, scorn
for him and his land and his dream! Hal Levering was a poet. It seemed
to him now that the house behind him had drawn together and was
straining to get away from him, just as the people in it strained away
from him and left him alone and outside. He tried to reassure himself.
There were all kinds of people in the world, and this was America, and
he was as good as anybody.
“It ain’t so; I’m as good as any of ’em. What’d they ask me here for
if I ain’t? You big clown you, they asked you here to sing your jazz
songs, and so’s they could get a good laugh outa you. That’s what it
was for, you big dummy. Didn’t you see that Corthwaite girl sneering?
Sure you did. But you wouldn’t admit it! These people are right, and
you’re wrong, Hal Levering. You’re a Jew. No, that ain’t it either.
It’s because you ain’t a Jew--that’s it--because you’re pretending you
ain’t. Because you ain’t real. That’s it. They got their own names and
their own people and the things they’ve always had, but you--you’re
what they call a dirty Jew....
“That’s what it is about them that’s different--it ain’t just that
they got different styles in architecture--but they ain’t pretending
nothing. They don’t have to.”
He remembered the smile that had curled Constance Corthwaite’s lips the
night before. It grew, it spread, the image of curving lips blotted out
all the warm world, and he was alone before them, his heart sick with
the humiliation of the degraded artist.
Hal Levering rose from his chair, trembling a little, very white, just
as the riding party came strolling through the box hedge.
He looked down at them from the steps of the porch. They came toward
him like sublime creatures oblivious of his presence and of his pain,
ignoring him as they would always ignore him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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