American fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, American -- Periodicals
He could let his glance fall down over the side for a minute or two,
with no feeling in the pit of his stomach. He grew bolder, making
himself stick his head out almost into the wind to stare down. But
suddenly then, like a dropped weight, he was hit by a dreadful image
of himself leaping to his feet and pitching over there, head first,
and hurtling down the vast empty drop. The suddenness of it caught him
in the stomach and the throat so that his spine crept. He withdrew
his glance hurriedly to the comfortable commonplace within--dials and
indicators, floor boards, the aviator’s strong freckled hands, and
his own feet. They helped to steady him physically, but horror still
mounted within him, not so much at the outside world, perilous as
it had become again for him, but at the suddenly revealed depths of
strangeness in himself. Perhaps it was not only that he was utterly
unlike his father but that he was different from all normal men.
Perhaps within his very brain crawled the maggots of imbalance. At that
moment he felt it was even possible for him to go mad and scream, and
leap screaming over there. Ugh! Yet, of course, it was not so. It was
only his imagination. But a he man would never have been troubled by
fancies as sick as that.
It was at that moment that Ronny, fighting to calm the tumult in him
by staring fixedly at the aviator’s hands, saw the right one jerk as
the whole plane lurched sideways. He saw the aviator throw a glance
over his shoulder even while his hands and feet made curt gestures with
the controls. The plane righted, but tossed violently before lurching
again. Ronny, throwing a look back and up, saw a broken thing hanging
and banging at one wing--a great blue hole and long rags of canvas. The
vast circle of the sea below them was tipping up and circling like the
surface of water in a tilted cup. The man beside him, working tensely,
shot a look at him, a queer, tight-lipped grin, and the plane slid
downward slowly, circling and nosing, with occasional moments of level.
The engine roared as usual, and the air seemed calm.
The conviction that something was wrong, that something was awfully
wrong, came to Ronny with a surprising slowness. The very worst things
happened to him only in his imagination. When it was a matter of
outward affairs which older men had always controlled so much better
than he, it was hard to believe them capable of accident. The dark
floor of the sea was rushing toward them in dizzy circles. And yet
there was no horror in this for him, as there had been in the thought
of plunging alone. Something had gone wrong, that was all, and the
aviator had told him in that one glance that he was going to make a
landing. Ronny had much more confidence in him than he would ever have
in himself. They would probably land all right.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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