American fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, American -- Periodicals
Paterson’s head whipped down across his sprawled arms on the desk top
and the sobs tore at his throat in great gusts that choked him. “Oh,
God!” he sobbed. “What’s it all about, Hoyt? What’s the use of it?”
“Steady, son! I don’t know. Nobody knows. It just happened, as
everything happens. It’s much too late to talk causes. We’re here and
we know what we have to do. That’s enough for us. It’s all we have
anyway, so it must be enough.” He took his blood-soaked cigarette from
his mouth and hurled it into a corner. It landed with a soft spat.
Someone knocked at the door. “Come in.” It was the runner from squadron
office. He saluted. “Yes?” said Hoyt.
The man glanced at Paterson’s face and snapped his eyes quickly back to
the captain’s.
“Beg pardon, sir,” he said. “Squadron’s just been signalled through
wing. One of the C Flight machines came down near B Battery, the 212th.”
“Who was it?” asked Hoyt.
“Lieutenant Mallard, they reported it, sir. That’ll be Lieutenant
Mallory, sir, won’t it?”
“Yes.” Hoyt’s voice was quite flat. “Thank you.”
The man saluted again and shut the door. Hoyt dabbed at his cheek and
reached into his desk drawer for another cigarette. Paterson stood up
suddenly and grabbed his arm. “Listen, skipper!” Hoyt’s eyes met his
calmly. “I’m going to tell you something. I’ll feel better if I do.
I’ve been a weak sister in this flight. I’ve planned for days to go
down and let myself be taken prisoner--to get out of it all. I’ve been
sick of it--sick of it, d’y’ hear, until I couldn’t think straight. I
wanted to get out alive. I wanted to get away in any way I could. This
morning I broke. I let go and started down----”
Hoyt smiled. “Your trouble, Pat, is that you think you’re the only
person in this jolly old war.”
Paterson stared at him. “But I did! I started down, out of it, this
morning!”
“How’d you get here?” asked Hoyt.
“But if I hadn’t broken for that moment this morning----”
“That’s a lie!” snapped Hoyt. “You’re talking poobah! I know how those
things happen. If P-B hadn’t gone down after the two-seater they’d
all be here now; and by the same reasoning, if my aunt wore trousers
she’d be my uncle. The important thing is that it’s you and me now and
nothing else matters. We’ll have four brand-new men to whip into shape
to-morrow, and whatever you think of yourself, you’ve got to do it. I
can’t do much, for I’ll be ahead, leading. You’ll be behind them and
you’ll have to do it all. They’ll be frightened and nervous and green,
but the job’s to be done. Understand? You’ve got to goad them on and
get them out of trouble and watch them every minute, so that in time
they’ll be as good as P-B and Trent--so that when their turn comes they
can do for other green men what P-B and Trent did for you. Do you see
now what this morning has done for you?” He paused for a moment, and
then, in a lower tone--“Afraid? Who isn’t afraid? But it doesn’t do any
good to brood over it.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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