Russia -- Social life and customs -- 1533-1917 -- Fiction
“What?” she replied with a glance at the scene around her. “Is not all
_this_ so much ecstatic delight?” She looked at him, smiled, and gave
him her hand. “Do you think,” she continued, “that presently I shall not
be sorry when you take your leave? Do you think that I shall not go to
bed the earlier in order that I may the sooner fall asleep, and cheat
the wearisome night, and be able to see you again in the morning?”
The light in Oblomov’s face had become brighter and brighter with each
successive question, and his gaze more and more suffused with radiance.
III
Next morning, however, he rose pale and sombre. There were traces of
sleeplessness on his features, wrinkles on his brow, and a lack of fire
and eagerness in his eyes. Once upon a time he would have sunk back
upon the pillow after drinking his tea, but now he had grown out of the
habit, and contented himself with resting his elbow where his head
had just been lying. Something in him was working strongly; but that
something was not love. True, Olga’s image was still before him, but
only at a distance, and in a mist, and shorn of its rays, like that of
some stranger. With aching eyes he gazed at it for a moment or two, and
then sighed.
“To live as God wills, and not as oneself wills, is a wise rule,” he
murmured. “Nevertheless------”
“Clearly that is so,” presently he went on. “Otherwise, one would fall
into a chaos of contradictions such as no human mind, however daring and
profound, could hope to resolve. Yesterday one has wished, to-day one
attains the madly longed-for object, and tomorrow one will blush to
think that one ever desired it. Therefore one will fall to cursing life.
And all because of a proud, independent striding through existence and
a wilful ‘I will’! No; rather does one need to feel one’s way, to close
one’s eyes, to avoid becoming either intoxicated with happiness or
inclined to repine because it has escaped one. Yes, _that_ is life. Who
was it first pictured life as happiness and gratification? The fool!
‘Life is a duty,’ says Olga. ‘Life is a grave obligation which must be
fulfilled as such.’” He heaved a profound sigh.
“No, I cannot visit Olga to-day,” he went on. “My eyes are now open, and
I see my duty before me. Better part with her _now_, while it is still
possible, than later, when I shall have sworn to part with her no more.”
How had this mood of his come about? What wind had suddenly affected
him? How had it brought with it these clouds? Wherefore was he now for
assuming such a grievous yoke? Only last night he had looked into Olga’s
soul, and seen there a radiant world and a smiling destiny; only
last night he had read both her horoscope and his own. What had since
happened?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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