And behind me, as I look back on the road by which I have come, all
is storm and darkness. I fought my way through my lonely,
sad-hearted childhood; I fought my way through my girlhood,
misunderstood, and mistrusted always; and now, in my womanhood, I am
fighting still. On every side of me are rebuke and suspicion, and
bitter, abiding sorrow. Pain and suffering of body and of spirit
have hung on my steps all the years of my life. I have had no
respite.
Is there never to be peace? Never to be a time of sunlight that
shall make me glad of my being?
Her spirit was indeed naked and without defence against the arrows of
the world. Endowed with courage far greater than falls to the lot of
most women, with great independence and an utter fearlessness of
conventionality, she had no hesitation in avowing her own profound
belief in her divine mission. To one who, meeting her for the first
time, observed with ill-timed jocularity, “I understand, Mrs Kingsford,
that you are a prophetess,” she retorted with the utmost solemnity, “I
am indeed a prophetess,” and on her interrogator continuing his banter
by inquiring: “But not, I suppose, as great as Isaiah?” “Yes,” she
returned, “greater than Isaiah.” Such mockery, however boldly she faced
it, caused her the most acute pain. There was, indeed, nothing
undignified about her avowal of her claims, nothing that jarred, nothing
of the charlatan in her composition. If she was deceived herself, at
least she never dreamed of deceiving others. She never posed or
attempted to gain a hearing by acting a part which was not natural to
her. She was too genuine, too intense in her convictions, and withal too
natural and too unaffected to be otherwise than always and everywhere
true to herself. She was essentially a child of nature, and in some of
the traits of her character she retained to the end the simplicity and
wayward playfulness which most people say good-bye to when they reach
years of discretion. Animals, of course, always appealed to her
strongest sympathies, and for nine long years she could not bear to be
parted except for occasional very brief periods from her favourite
guinea-pig, Rufus. Nature in its varying moods made the strong appeal
which it always does to people of so emotional a temperament. Once after
recovering from a serious bout of illness she was taken to convalesce at
Dieppe. An incident occurred here very illustrative of her susceptible
nature. Having stayed for some time and being greatly benefited by the
change, she was proceeding in company with Mr Edward Maitland to see her
husband off by the steamer. Says her biographer:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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