Odd craft [complete]Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
General
Odd craft [complete]
Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English; Sailors -- Fiction
Mrs. Blows went, and returned in tears, and for two entire days her
husband, a prey to gloom, sat trying to evolve fresh and original ideas
for the possession of the money. On the evening of the second day he
became low-spirited, and going down to the kitchen took a glass from
the dresser and sat down by the beer-cask.
Almost insensibly he began to take a brighter view of things. It was
Saturday night and his wife was out. He shook his head indulgently as
he thought of her, and began to realise how foolish he had been to
entrust such a delicate mission to a woman. The Ancient Order of Camels
wanted a man to talk to them—a man who knew the world and could assail
them with unanswerable arguments. Having applied every known test to
make sure that the cask was empty, he took his cap from a nail and
sallied out into the street.
Old Mrs. Martin, a neighbour, saw him first, and announced the fact
with a scream that brought a dozen people round her. Bereft of speech,
she mouthed dumbly at Mr. Blows.
“I ain’t touch—touched her,” said that gentleman, earnestly. “I
ain’t—been near ’er.”
The crowd regarded him wild-eyed. Fresh members came running up, and
pushing for a front place fell back hastily on the main body and
watched breathlessly. Mr. Blows, disquieted by their silence, renewed
his protestations.
“I was coming ’long——”
He broke off suddenly and, turning round, gazed with some heat at a
gentleman who was endeavouring to ascertain whether an umbrella would
pass through him. The investigator backed hastily into the crowd again,
and a faint murmur of surprise arose as the indignant Mr. Blows rubbed
the place.
“He’s alive, I tell you,” said a voice. “What cheer, Jack!”
“Ullo, Bill,” said Mr. Blows, genially.
Bill came forward cautiously, and, first shaking hands, satisfied
himself by various little taps and prods that his friend was really
alive.
“It’s all right,” he shouted; “come and feel.”
At least fifty hands accepted the invitation, and, ignoring the threats
and entreaties of Mr. Blows, who was a highly ticklish subject,
wandered briskly over his anatomy. He broke free at last and, supported
by Bill and a friend, set off for the Peal o’ Bells.
By the time he arrived there his following had swollen to immense
proportions. Windows were thrown up, and people standing on their
doorsteps shouted inquiries. Congratulations met him on all sides, and
the joy of Mr. Joseph Carter was so great that Mr. Blows was quite
affected.
In high feather at the attention he was receiving, Mr. Blows pushed his
way through the idlers at the door and ascended the short flight of
stairs which led to the room where the members of the Ancient Order of
Camels were holding their lodge. The crowd swarmed up after him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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