Odd craft [complete]Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
General
Odd craft [complete]
Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English; Sailors -- Fiction
The tap-room was crowded that night, but we all ’ad to pay threepence
each—coining money, I call it. Some o’ the things wot he done was very
clever, but a’most from the fust start-off there was unpleasantness.
When he asked somebody to lend ’im a pocket-’andkercher to turn into a
white rabbit, Henery Walker rushed up and lent ’im ’is, but instead of
a white rabbit it turned into a black one with two white spots on it,
and arter Henery Walker ’ad sat for some time puzzling over it ’e got
up and went off ’ome without saying good-night to a soul.
Then the conjurer borrowed Sam Jones’s hat, and arter looking into it
for some time ’e was that surprised and astonished that Sam Jones lost
’is temper and asked ’im whether he ’adn’t seen a hat afore.
“Not like this,” ses the conjurer. And ’e pulled out a woman’s dress
and jacket and a pair o’ boots. Then ’e took out a pound or two o’
taters and some crusts o’ bread and other things, and at last ’e gave
it back to Sam Jones and shook ’is head at ’im, and told ’im if he
wasn’t very careful he’d spoil the shape of it.
Then ’e asked somebody to lend ’im a watch, and, arter he ’ad promised
to take the greatest care of it, Dicky Weed, the tailor, lent ’im a
gold watch wot ’ad been left ’im by ’is great-aunt when she died. Dicky
Weed thought a great deal o’ that watch, and when the conjurer took a
flat-iron and began to smash it up into little bits it took three men
to hold ’im down in ’is seat.
“This is the most difficult trick o’ the lot,” ses the conjurer,
picking off a wheel wot ’ad stuck to the flat-iron. “Sometimes I can do
it and sometimes I can’t. Last time I tried it it was a failure, and it
cost me eighteenpence and a pint o’ beer afore the gentleman the watch
’ad belonged to was satisfied. I gave ’im the bits, too.”
“If you don’t give me my watch back safe and sound,” ses Dicky Weed, in
a trembling voice, “it’ll cost you twenty pounds.”
“’Ow much?” ses the conjurer, with a start. “Well, I wish you’d told me
that afore you lent it to me. Eighteenpence is my price.”
He stirred the broken bits up with ’is finger and shook his ’ead.
“I’ve never tried one o’ these old-fashioned watches afore,” he ses.
“’Owever, if I fail, gentlemen, it’ll be the fust and only trick I’ve
failed in to-night. You can’t expect everything to turn out right, but
if I do fail this time, gentlemen, I’ll try it agin if anybody else’ll
lend me another watch.”
Dicky Weed tried to speak but couldn’t, and ’e sat there, with ’is face
pale, staring at the pieces of ’is watch on the conjurer’s table. Then
the conjurer took a big pistol with a trumpet-shaped barrel out of ’is
box, and arter putting in a charge o’ powder picked up the pieces o’
watch and rammed them in arter it. We could hear the broken bits
grating agin the ramrod, and arter he ’ad loaded it ’e walked round and
handed it to us to look at.
“It’s all right,” he ses to Dicky Weed; “it’s going to be a success; I
could tell in the loading.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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