Odd Numbers: Being Further Chronicles of Shorty McCabeFord, Sewell
General
Odd Numbers: Being Further Chronicles of Shorty McCabe
Ford, Sewell
Humorous stories, American; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction
What's the use of tellin' how Mrs. Tiscott's stringy hair was bobbed up,
or the kind of wrapper she had on? You wouldn't expect her to be sportin'
a Sixth-ave. built pompadour, or a lingerie reception gown, would you?
And where they don't have Swedish nursery governesses and porcelain tubs,
the youngsters are apt not to be so----But maybe you'll relish your nut
candy and walnut cake better if we skip some details about the state of
the kids' hands. What's the odds where the contractors gets such work
done, so long as they can shave their estimates?
The really int'restin' exhibit in this fam'ly group, of course, is the
bent shouldered, peaked faced girl who has humped herself almost double
and is slappin' little pearl buttons on white goods at the rate of twenty
a minute. And there's no deception about her being a fine case for Piny
Crest. You don't even have to hear that bark of hers to know it.
I stands there lookin' 'em over for a whole minute before anybody pays
any attention to me. Then Mrs. Tiscott glances up and stops her machine.
"Who's that?" she sings out. "What do you----Why! Well, of all things,
Shorty McCabe, what brings you here?"
"I'm playin' errand boy for the kind Miss Colliver," says I, holdin' up
the basket.
Is there a grand rush my way, and glad cries, and tears of joy? Nothing
doing in the thankful hysterics line.
"Oh!" says Mrs. Tiscott. "Well, let's see what it is this time." And she
proceeds to dump out Miss Ann's contribution. There's a glass of
gooseb'ry bar le duc, another of guava jelly, a little can of pate de
foie gras, and half a dozen lady fingers.
"Huh!" says she, shovin' the truck over on the window sill. As she's
expressed my sentiments too, I lets it go at that.
"Looks like one of your busy days," says I.
"One of 'em!" says she with a snort, yankin' some more pieces out of the
bundle and slippin' a fresh spool of cotton onto the machine.
"What's the job?" says I.
"Baby dresses," says she.
"Good money in it?" says I.
"Oh, sure!" says she. "Forty cents a dozen is good, ain't it?"
"What noble merchant prince is so generous to you as all that?" says I.
Mrs. Tiscott, she shoves over the sweater's shop tag so I can read for
myself. Curious,--wa'n't it?--but it's the same firm whose name heads the
Piny Crest subscription list. It's time to change the subject.
"How's Annie?" says I, lookin' over at her.
"Her cough don't seem to get any better," says Mrs. Tiscott. "She's had
it since she had to quit work in the gas mantle shop. That's where she
got it. The dust, you know."
Yes, I knew. "How about Tony?" says I.
"Tony!" says she, hard and bitter. "How do I know? He ain't been near us
for a month past."
"Sends in something of a Saturday, don't he?" says I.
"Would I be lettin' the likes of her--that Miss Colliver--come here if he
did," says she, "or workin' my eyes out like this?"
"I thought Lizzie was in a store?" says I, noddin' towards the
twelve-year-old girl at the nut pickin' table.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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