Odd Numbers: Being Further Chronicles of Shorty McCabeFord, Sewell
General
Odd Numbers: Being Further Chronicles of Shorty McCabe
Ford, Sewell
Humorous stories, American; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction
By that time my appetite has come back; so I holds up the butler and has
him lay out a solitaire feed. And when I goes back to the crowd again I
finds Toodle has the center of the stage, with the spotlight full on him.
All the women are gathered round, listening to his guff like it was sound
sense. Seems he's organized a new deal on the thought cure stunt, and
he's workin' it for all it's worth. The men, though, don't appear so
excited over what he's sayin'.
"Confounded rubbish, I call it!" says Mr. Purdy-Pell.
"You ought to hear it from Violet," says I. "She's the star explainer of
that combination."
But Violet seems to have faded into the background. We don't see anything
more of her that evenin', nor she wa'n't in evidence next mornin'. Doc.
Toodle was, though. He begins by tellin' how he never takes anything but
hot water and milk on risin'; but that in the middle of the forenoon he
makes it a point to put away about three fresh laid eggs, raw, in a glass
of sherry.
"How interesting!" says Mrs. Purdy-Pell. "Then we must drive over to
Fernbrook Farm, right after breakfast, and get some of their lovely White
Leghorn eggs."
That was the sort of excursion I was rung into; so the bunch of us piles
into the wagonette and starts for a fresh supply of hen fruit. When we
gets to the farm the superintendent invites us to take a tour through the
incubator houses, and of course they all wants to see the dear little
chickies and so on. All but me. I stays and chins with the coachman while
he walks the horses around the driveway.
In about half an hour they comes troopin' back, Toodle in the lead,
luggin' a paper bag full of warm eggs. He don't wait for the others, but
pikes for the wagonette and climbs in one of the side seats facin' me. We
was just turnin' to back up to the block for the ladies, when a yellow
kyoodle dashes around the corner after a cat. Them skittish horses was
just waitin' for some such excuse as that, and before Mr. Driver can put
the curb bit on 'em hard enough they've done a quick pivot, cramped the
wheels, and turned us over on the soggy grass as neat as anything you
ever see.
Me bein' on the low side, I strikes the ground first; but before I can
squirm out, down comes Toodle on top, landin' his one hundred and ninety
pounds so sudden that it knocks the wind clear out of me. He's turned
over on the way down, so I've got his shoulder borin' into my chest and
the heavy part of him on my leg.
Course, the women squeals, and the horses cut up some; but the driver has
landed on his feet and has them by the head in no time at all, so we
wa'n't dragged around any. Noticin' that, I lays still and waits for
Toodle to pry himself loose. But the Doc. don't seem in any hurry to
move, and the next thing I know I hear him groanin' and mumblin' under
his breath. Between groans he was tryin' to say over that rigmarole of
his.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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