Odd Numbers: Being Further Chronicles of Shorty McCabeFord, Sewell
General
Odd Numbers: Being Further Chronicles of Shorty McCabe
Ford, Sewell
Humorous stories, American; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction
"S-s-sh!" says he. "Lady to see you."
"What kind," says I, "perfect, or just plain lady? And what's her name?"
"Ahr-r-r chee!" he whispers, hoarse and stagy. "Didn't I tell you it was
a lady? Get a move on!" and he lifts me into the sleeves and yanks away
the whisk broom.
"See here, Swifty," says I, "if this is another of them hot air
demonstrators, or a book agent, there'll be trouble comin' your way in
bunches! Remember, now!"
Here was once, though, when Swifty hadn't made any mistake. Not that he
shows such wonderful intelligence in this case. With her wearin' all them
expensive furs, and the cute little English footman standin' up straight
in his yellow topped boots over by the door, who wouldn't have known she
was a real lady?
She's got up all in black, not exactly a mournin' costume, but one of
these real broadcloth regalias, plain but classy. She's a tall, slim
party, and from the three-quarters' view I gets against the light I
should guess she was goin' on thirty or a little past it. All she's armed
with is a roll of paper, and as I steps in she's drummin' with it on the
window sill.
Course, we has all kinds driftin' into the studio here, by mistake and
otherwise, and I gen'rally makes a guess on 'em right; but this one don't
suggest anything at all. Even that rat faced tiger of hers could have
told her this wa'n't any French millinery parlor, and she didn't look
like one who'd get off the trail anyway. So I plays a safety by coughin'
polite behind my hand and lettin' her make the break. She ain't backward
about it, either.
"Why, there you are, Professor McCabe!" says she, in that gushy, up and
down tone, like she was usin' language as some sort of throat gargle.
"How perfectly dear of you to be here, too!"
"Yes, ain't it?" says I. "I've kind of got into the habit of bein'
here."
"Really, now!" says she, smilin' just as though we was carryin' on a
sensible conversation. And it's a swagger stunt too, this talkin' without
sayin' anything. When you get so you can keep it up for an hour you're
qualified either for the afternoon tea class or the batty ward. But the
lady ain't here just to pay a social call. She makes a quick shift and
announces that she's Miss Colliver, also hoping that I remember her.
"Why, sure," says I. "Miss Ann, ain't it?"
As a matter of fact, the only time we was ever within speakin' distance
was once at the Purdy-Pells' when she blew in for a minute just at dinner
time, lifted a bunch of American Beauties off the table with the excuse
that they was just what she wanted to send to the Blind Asylum, and blew
out again.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account