"The third offence of yours is the intolerable discourtesy you have
shewn to me all to-day--and before servants, too. I put myself to great
pains to get you out of that stinking hole called Whitehall; I risked
His Majesty's displeasure for the same purpose: I have been at your
disposal ever since noon; and you have treated me like a dog. You will
continue to treat me so, no doubt, until we get to Hare Street; and you
will do your best no doubt to provoke a quarrel between your father and
myself. Well; I have no great objection to that; but I have not deserved
that you should behave so. I have done nothing, ever since I have known
you, but try to serve you--" (my voice rose a little; for I was truly
moved, and far more than my words shewed)--"You first treated me like a
friend; then, when you would not have me as a lover, I went away, and I
stayed away. Then, when you would not have me as a lover, and I would
not have you as my friend, I became, I think I may fairly say, your
defender; and all that you do in return--"
Then, without any mistake at all, I caught the sound of a sob; and all
my pompous eloquence dropped from me like a cloak. My anger was long
since gone, though I had feigned it had not. To be alone with her there,
enclosed in the darkness as in a little room--her horse and mine nodding
their heads together, and myself holding her bridle--all this, and the
silence round us, and my own heart, very near bursting, broke me down.
"Oh! Dolly," I cried. "Why are you so bitter with me? You know that I
have never thought ill of you for an instant. You know I have done
nothing but try to serve you--I have bullied you? Yes: I have; and I
would do the same a thousand times again in the same cause. You are
wilful and obstinate; but I thank God I am more wilful and obstinate
than you. I am sick of this fencing and diplomacy and irony. You know
what I am--I am not at all the fine gentleman that leaned his head on
the chimney-breast--that was make-believe and foolishness. I am a bully
and a brute--you have told me so--"
"Oh!" wailed Dolly suddenly--no longer pretending; and I caught the
note in her voice for which I had been waiting. I dropped the lantern;
the horses plunged violently at the flare and the crash; but I cared
nothing for that. I dragged furiously on the bridle; and as the horses
swung together, I caught her round the shoulders, and kissed her
fiercely on the cheek. She clung to me, weeping.
CHAPTER V
Well; I had beaten her at last; and in the only way in which she would
yield. Weakness was of no use with her, nor gentleness, nor even that
lofty patronage which, poor fool! I had shewn her in the parlour at Hare
Street. She must be man's mate--which is certainly a rather savage
relation at bottom--not merely his pretty and grateful wife. This I
learned from her, as we rode onwards and up into the high road--(where,
I may say in passing, there was no sign of our party)--though she did
not know she was telling it me.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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