It was with a very strange sense of detachment that I went about my
affairs all Friday and Saturday; for I had still plenty to do, and was
not to see His Majesty till the Saturday night after supper. The weather
was turned soft again, and we had sunshine for an hour or two. On one
day I watched His Majesty go to dinner, with his guards about him, and
his gentlemen; but I did not see it with the pleasure I had once had in
such brave sights. It was with me, during those days, as it had been
with me for those two or three moments during the play, though in a
gentler manner; for I thought more of the humanity beneath than of the
show above; and a rotten humanity most of it seemed to me. These were
but men like myself, and some pretty evil too. Those gentlemen that were
with the King--there was scarcely one of them about whom I did not know
something considerably to his discredit: there was my Lord Ailesbury in
strict attendance on him; and Killigrew--he that had the theatre--and
the less said of him the better: and there were three or four more like
him; the Earl of Craven was there, colonel of the foot-guards; and Lord
Keeper Guildford; and the Earl of Bath; and there, in the midst, the
King himself, with his blue silk cloak over his shoulders, and his
princely walk, going fast as he always did, and smiling-well, what of
those thirteen known mistresses of his that he had had, as well as of
those other--God knows how many!--poor maids, who must look upon him as
their ruin? It was a brave sight enough, there in the sunshine--I will
not deny that--with the sun on the jewels and the silks, and on the buff
and steel of the guards, with that swift kingly figure going in the
midst; and it was a brave noise that the music made as they went within
the Banqueting-Hall; but how, thought I, does God see it all? And for
what do such things count before His Holy Presence?
I had not rehearsed what I should say to His Majesty when I saw him; for
indeed it was of no further moment to me what either I or he should say.
I should be gone for ever in three days to the secret service of another
King than him--to that secret service where men need not lie and cheat
and spy and get their hearts broken after all and no gratitude for it;
but to that service which is called _Opus Dei_ in the choir, and is
prayer and study and contemplation in the cloister and the cell. There I
should sing, week by week:
"Oh! put not your trust in princes nor in any child of man: for there is
no help in them."
In such a mood then--not wholly Christian, I will admit!--I came into
the King's closet, to take my leave of him, on that Saturday night, the
last day of January, in the year of Salvation sixteen hundred and
eighty-five.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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