Old Mole: Being the Surprising Adventures in England of Herbert Jocelyn Beenham, M.A., Sometime Sixth-Form Master at Thrigsby Grammar School in the County of LancasterCannan, Gilbert
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Old Mole: Being the Surprising Adventures in England of Herbert Jocelyn Beenham, M.A., Sometime Sixth-Form Master at Thrigsby Grammar School in the County of Lancaster
Cannan, Gilbert
England -- Fiction; Husband and wife -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Theater -- Fiction
(It is really delightful to be writing to you again. It brings you
before me, as a boy, a little piping boy; as a posturing and conceited
youth--do you remember the cruel snub inflicted on you by Tallien, the
French master? I had sent you to him with a message, and he said:
"Tell Mr. Beenham I will take no message from his conceited puppy."
You! A prefect!--as a heated and quite too Stendhalian young man. It
is charming.)
But I am rueful when I reflect that I solved my difficulty, which,
after all, was a portion of the English difficulty, by leaving
England. I should have stayed; fought it out; wrestled through with it
until the three of us were properly and in all eyes established in
that new relation to which inevitably we should have come. I was too
old. I was too much under the habit of thinking of consequences; too
English, too theatrical to believe that life does not deal in neat and
finished endings. I could see nothing before me but the ugly
conventional way of throwing mud at the woman and bringing you to an
unjust and undeserved ruin, or the way most pleasing to my
sentimentality, of withdrawing from the scene and leaving you to make
the best of it; as, no doubt, you have done, since you are both
successful personages and well in the limelight, and able to go
triumphantly from honeymoon to honeymoon.
Are there children? I hope there are children!
And there begins my real difficulty. Not that I care about legitimacy.
No reasonable child will ask more than to be conceived in a healthy
body, born in a clean atmosphere, and bred in a decently ordered home.
But if there are children you should not be separated. Perhaps you are
not. Perhaps I have been long enough absent for your world to forget
my existence. But I have my doubts. I too much dread the English
atmosphere not to feel that it must have been too strong for you, and
you will have accepted your parts in the play.
But, if there are children, there should be no play-acting in their
immediate surroundings, in the love that brought them into being.
How I wish you could have seen my marionettes! We should then have an
emotional meeting point. As it is, I seem to be dancing round and
round you almost as agilely as though I were with you in England, in
the thick of polite London. That surely is what you need, on your
thickly populated island, a point at which the lower streams of
thought can converge, so that your existence may more resemble a noble
estuary than a swampy delta.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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