could not be expected to obey like a child; a woman of twenty even was
not like a little girl. A child has to do what it is told, whether it
likes or not; but a woman--and when all her own life is in question?
Those were thoughts which Katherine pondered much as she walked up and
down the path on the cliff. For some time she went out very little,
fearing always to meet a new group of interested neighbours who should
question her about Stella. She shrank from the demands, from the
criticisms that were sometimes very plain, and sometimes veiled under
pretences of interest or sympathy. She would not discuss her sister with
anyone, or her father, or their arrangements or family disasters, and
the consequence was that, during almost the whole of that winter she
confined herself to the small but varied domain which was such a world
of flowers in summer, and now, though the trees were bare, commanded all
the sun that enlivens a wintry sky, and all the aspects of the sea, and
all the wide expanse of the sky. There she walked about and asked
herself a hundred questions. Perhaps it would have been better for all
of them if she had run away with James Stanford. It would have cost her
father nothing to part with her; he would have been more lenient with
the daughter he did not care for. And Stella would have been more
thoughtful, more judicious, if there had been nobody at home behind her
to bear the responsibility of common life. And then, Katherine
wondered, with a gasp, as to the life that might have been hers had she
been James Stanford’s wife. She would have gone to India, too, but with
no _trousseau_, no diamonds, no gay interval at Paris. She would have
had only him, no more, to fill up her horizon and occupy her changed
life. She thought of this with a little shiver, wondering--for, to be
sure, she was not, so to speak, in love with him, but only interested in
him--very curious if it had been possible to know more about him, to get
to understand him. It was a singular characteristic in him that it was
she whom he had cared for and not Stella. He was the first and only
person who had done so--at least, the only man. Women, she was aware,
often got on better with her than with her sister; but that did not
surprise her, somehow, while the other did impress her deeply. Why
should he have singled out her, Katherine, to fall in love with? It
showed that he must be a particular kind of man, not like other people.
This was the reason why Katherine had taken so much interest in him,
thought so much of him all this time, not because she was in love with
him. And it struck her with quite a curious impression, made up of some
awe, some alarm, some pleasure, and a good deal of abashed amusement, to
think that she might, like Stella, have eloped with him--might have been
living with him as her sole companion for two or three years. She used
to laugh to herself and hush up her line of thinking abruptly when she
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