There were two or three very painful interviews in that corner of the
drawing-room where Katherine had established herself, and which had so
many happy associations to him. He reminded her of how he had come there
day after day during the dreary winter, of that day of the snowstorm, of
other days, during which things had been said and allusions made in
which now there was no meaning. Sometimes he accused her vehemently of
having played hot and cold with him, of having led him on, of having
permitted him up to the very last to believe that she cared for him. And
to some of these accusations Katherine did not know how to reply. She
had not led him on, but she had permitted a great deal to be implied if
not said, and she had acquiesced. She could not deny that she had
acquiesced even in her own mind. If she had confessed to him how little
of her heart was in it at any time, or that it was little more than a
mental consent as to something inevitable, that would have been even
less flattering to him than her refusal; this was an explanation she
could not make. And her whole being shrank from a disclosure of that
chance meeting on the railway and the self-revelation it brought with
it. As a matter of fact the meeting on the railway had no issue any more
than the other. Nothing came of it. There was nothing to tell that could
be received as a reason for her conduct. She could only stand silent and
pale, and listen to his sometimes vehement reproaches, inalterable only
in the fact that it could not be.
There had been a very stormy interview between them one of those
evenings after he had left her father. He was convinced at last that it
was all over, that nothing could be done, and the man’s mortification
and indignant sense of injury had subsided into a more profound feeling,
into the deeper pang of real affection rejected and the prospects of
home and happiness lost.
“You have spoiled my life,” he had said to her. “I have nothing to look
forward to, nothing to hope for. Here I am and here I shall be, the same
for ever--a lonely man. Home will never mean anything to me but dreary
rooms to work in and rest in; and you have done it all, not for any
reason, not with any motive, in pure wantonness.” It was almost more
than he could bear.
“Forgive me,” Katherine said. She did not feel guilty to that extent,
but she would not say so. She was content to put up with the imputation
if it gave him any comfort to call her names.
And then he had relented. After all had been said that could be said, he
had gone back again to the table by which she was sitting, leaning her
head on her arm and half covering it with her hand. He put his own hand
on the same table and stooped a little towards her.
“All this,” he said with difficulty, “will of course make no difference.
You will send for me when I am wanted for your father all the same.”
“Oh, Dr. Burnet!” was all she said.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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