And after many days' sailing they came to a town, with towers and
churches and painted roofs, all set on the side of a hill that sloped
down into the sea. At the foot of the hill was a quiet harbour, and
they sailed in there and moored the ship and hauled down their
patchwork sails.
Ivan the Ninny went ashore, and took with him a little bag of clean
white salt to show what kind of goods he had for sale, and he asked
his way to the palace of the Tzar of that town. He came to the palace,
and went in and bowed to the ground before the Tzar.
"Who are you?" says the Tzar.
"I, great lord, am a Russian merchant, and here in a bag is some of my
merchandise, and I beg your leave to trade with your subjects in this
town."
"Let me see what is in the bag," says the Tzar. Ivan the Ninny took a
handful from the bag and showed it to the Tzar.
"What is it?" says the Tzar.
"Good Russian salt," says Ivan the Ninny.
Now in that country they had never heard of salt, and the Tzar looked
at the salt, and he looked at Ivan and he laughed.
"Why, this," says he, "is nothing but white dust, and that we can pick
up for nothing. The men of my town have no need to trade with you. You
must be a ninny."
Ivan grew very red, for he knew what his father used to call him. He
was ashamed to say anything. So he bowed to the ground, and went away
out of the palace.
But when he was outside he thought to himself, "I wonder what sort of
salt they use in these parts if they do not know good Russian salt
when they see it. I will go to the kitchen."
So he went round to the back door of the palace, and put his head into
the kitchen, and said, "I am very tired. May I sit down here and rest
a little while?"
"Come in," says one of the cooks. "But you must sit just there, and
not put even your little finger in the way of us; for we are the
Tzar's cooks, and we are in the middle of making ready his dinner."
And the cook put a stool in a corner out of the way, and Ivan slipped
in round the door, and sat down in the corner and looked about him.
There were seven cooks at least, boiling and baking, and stewing and
toasting, and roasting and frying. And as for scullions, they were as
thick as cockroaches, dozens of them, running to and fro, tumbling
over each other, and helping the cooks.
Ivan the Ninny sat on his stool, with his legs tucked under him and
the bag of salt on his knees. He watched the cooks and the scullions,
but he did not see them put anything in the dishes which he thought
could take the place of salt. No; the meat was without salt, the kasha
was without salt, and there was no salt in the potatoes. Ivan nearly
turned sick at the thought of the tastelessness of all that food.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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