Oldfield: A Kentucky Tale of the Last CenturyBanks, Nancy Huston
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Oldfield: A Kentucky Tale of the Last Century
Banks, Nancy Huston
Kentucky -- Fiction
With a last lingering look at the light shining through the white
curtain, Lynn turned slowly and went down the big road toward his
grandmother's house, now lying dark and silent beneath the tall trees
which stood over it and amid the thick shrubbery which crowded around
it. The passionate emotion with which he had left it had passed wholly
away. The love filling his mind and heart, as with the sudden unfurling
of soft wings, left no room for anything hard or unkind or bitter. He
had almost forgotten the hard words with which his grandmother had so
cruelly stoned him; he had wholly forgiven them. For newly awakened love
can forgive almost any harshness in the awakening. He was not, in fact,
thinking of his grandmother at all; he was thinking solely of Doris, and
was planning to see her at the earliest possible moment on the morrow.
It was not easy of late to see her alone; he realized this now with a
guilty pang which touched his new peace with the old pain. Only on the
previous evening he had found her gone from her home, without leaving a
message for him, as she always used to leave one. Only by the merest
accident had he met her coming out of Miss Judy's gate; only by the most
urgent persuasion had he been able to induce her to take the accustomed
walk to the graveyard, which she used always to be so ready and even
eager to take. Ah, that walk up the hillside, which had been as a torch
to the tinder of his grandmother's anger! For that, also, as for
everything else, he alone was to blame. It was too late to undo what had
been done; but never again through any fault of his should evil speaking
or evil thinking approach her spotless innocence. It was not for his
strong arms to protect her; his own folly had forfeited all hope of that
sweetest and most sacred privilege. Nevertheless, he might still beg her
to forgive him, even though he knew that forgiveness was impossible for
an offence such as his. And he might still tell her that he loved her
and ask her to be his wife, although he knew only too well that she
would refuse. And then, having done what he could, he would go on with
his work. He had not forgotten his ambition, nor had he thought of
giving it up; but his old foolish belief that the happiest marriage must
hamper a man's life plans had gone with the rest of his blinding
delusions. He no longer thought of needing both hands free for the
climbing of ambition's unsteady, long ladder. It now seemed to him that
he never could win anything worth the winning without Doris to hold up
his hands; that nothing either great or small was worth the winning
unless shared by her. And his self-delusion had forever lost him all
hope of this. Yet he might still beg her to forgive him, he might still
tell her that he loved her and ask her to be his wife. Nothing should
deny him that honor and happiness--if he were but spared to see another
morning's light.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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