Dramatis Personae. MR CADAVEROUS, _An old miser, very rich and very ill_. EDWARD, _A young lawyer without a brief_. MR HAUSTUS GUMARABIC, _Apothecary_. SEEDY, _Solicitor_. THOMAS MONTAGUE, JOHN MONTAGUE, _Nephews to Mr Cadaverous_. JAMES STERLING, WILLIAM STERLING, _nephews twice removed to Mr Cadaverous_. CLEMENTINA MONTAGU, _Niece to Mr Cadaverous_. Mrs JELLYBAGS, _Housekeeper and nurse_. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ACT ONE. Scene.--_A sick room_.--Mr CADAVEROUS _in an easy chair asleep, supported by cushions, wrapped up in his dressing-gown, a night-cap on his head.--A small table with phials, gallipots, etcetera_.--Mrs JELLYBAGS _seated on a chair close to the table_. [Mrs JELLYBAGS _looks at_ Mr CADAVEROUS, _and then comes forward_.] He sleeps yet--the odious old miser! Mercy on me, how I do hate him,-- almost as much as he loves his money! there's one comfort, he cannot take his money-bags with him, and the doctor says that he cannot last much longer. Ten years have I been his slave--ten years have I been engaged to be married to Sergeant Major O'Callaghan of the Blues--ten years has he kept me waiting at the porch of Hymen,--and what thousands of couples have I seen enter during the time! Oh dear! its enough to drive a widow mad. I think I have managed it;--he has now quarrelled with all his relations, and Dr Gumarabic intends this day to suggest the propriety of his making his last will and testament. (Mr CADAVEROUS, _still asleep, coughs_.) He is waking, (_Looks at him_.) No, he is not. Well, then, I shall wake him, and give him a draught, for, after such a comfortable sleep as he is now in, he might last a whole week longer. (_Goes up to_ Mr CADAVEROUS, _and shakes him_.) Mr CAD. (_starting up_.) Ugh ugh! ugh! (_coughs violently_.) Oh! Mrs Jellybags, I'm so ill. Ugh! ugh! JEL. My dear, dear sir! now don't say so. I was in hopes, after such a nice long sleep you would have found yourself so much better. CAD. Long sleep! oh dear!--I'm sure I've not slept ten minutes. JEL. (_aside_.) I know that. (_Aloud_.) Indeed, my dear sir, you are mistaken. Time passes very quick when we are fast asleep. I have been watching you and keeping the flies off. But you must now take your draught, my dear sir, and your pill first. CAD. What! more pills and more draughts! Why, there's no end to them. JEL. Yes, there will be, by and by, my dear sir. You know Doctor Gumarabic has ordered you take one pill and one draught every half hour. CAD. And so I have--never missed one for the last six weeks--woke up for them day and night. I feel very weak--very weak, indeed! Don't you think I might eat something, my dear Mrs Jellybags? JEL. Eat, my dear Mr Cadaverous!--how can you ask me, when you know that Doctor Gumarabic says that it would be the death of you? CAD. Only the wing of a chicken,--or a bit of the breast-- JEL. Impossible!