ANSARD (_solus_). Where is Barnstaple? If he do not come soon, I shall have finished my novel without a heroine. Well, I'm not the first person who has been foiled by a woman. (_Continues to gnaw his pen in a brown study_.) BARNSTAPLE _enters unperceived, and slaps_ ANSARD _on the shoulder. The latter starts up_. _B_. So, friend Ansard, making your dinner off your pen: it is not every novel-writer who can contrive to do that even in anticipation. Have you profited by my instructions? _A_. I wish I had. I assure you that this light diet has not contributed, as might be expected, to assist a heavy head, and one feather is not sufficient to enable my genius to take wing. If the public knew what dull work it is to write a novel, they would not be surprised at finding them dull reading. _Ex nihilo nihil fit_. Barnstaple, I am at the very bathos of stupidity. _B_. You certainly were absorbed when I entered, for I introduced myself. _A_. I wish you had introduced another personage with you--you would have been doubly welcome. _B_. Who is that? _A_. My heroine. I have followed your instructions to the letter. My hero is as listless as I fear my readers will be, and he is not yet in love. In fact, he is only captivated with himself. I have made him dismiss Coridon. _B_. Hah! how did you manage that? _A_. He was sent to ascertain the arms on the panel of a carriage. In his eagerness to execute his master's wishes, he came home with a considerable degree of perspiration on his brow, for which offence he was immediately put out of doors. _B_. Bravo--it was unpardonable--but still-- _A_. O! I know what you mean--that is all arranged; he has an annuity of one hundred pounds per annum. _B_. My dear Ansard, you have exceeded my expectations; but now for the heroine. _A_. Yes, indeed; help me--for I have exhausted all my powers. _B_. It certainly requires much tact to present your heroine to your readers. We are unfortunately denied what the ancients were so happy to possess,--a whole _cortege_ of divinities that might be summoned to help any great personage in, or the author out of, a difficulty; but since we cannot command their assistance, like the man in the play who forgot his part, we will do without it. Now, have you thought of nothing new, for we must not plagiarise even from fashionable novels? _A_. I have thought--and thought--and can find nothing new, unless we bring her in in a whirlwind: that has not yet been attempted.