Nor did he; for now I understood the wistful look that sometimes
followed me, as I went out, after a brief pause beside his bed, or
merely a passing nod, while busied with those who seemed to need me
more than he, because more urgent in their demands; now I knew that
to him, as to so many, I was the poor substitute for mother, wife,
or sister, and in his eyes no stranger, but a friend who hitherto
had seemed neglectful; for, in his modesty, he had never guessed the
truth. This was changed now; and, through the tedious operation of
probing, bathing, and dressing his wounds, he leaned against me,
holding my hand fast, and, if pain wrung further tears from him, no
one saw them fall but me. When he was laid down again, I hovered
about him, in a remorseful state of mind that would not let me rest,
till I had bathed his face, brushed his “bonny brown hair,” set all
things smooth about him, and laid a knot of heath and heliotrope on
his clean pillow. While doing this, he watched me with the satisfied
expression I so linked to see; and when I offered the little
nosegay, held it carefully in his great hand, smoothed a ruffled
leaf or two, surveyed and smelt it with an air of genuine delight,
and lay contentedly regarding the glimmer of the sunshine on the
green. Although the manliest man among my forty, he said, “Yes,
ma'am,” like a little boy; received suggestions for his comfort with
the quick smile that brightened his whole face; and now and then, as
I stood tidying the table by his bed, I felt him softly touch my
gown, as if to assure himself that I was there. Anything more
natural and frank I never saw, and found this brave John as bashful
as brave, yet full of excellences and fine aspirations, which,
having no power to express themselves in words, seemed to have
bloomed into his character and made him what he was.
After that night, an hour of each evening that remained to him was
devoted to his ease or pleasure. He could not talk much, for breath
was precious, and he spoke in whispers; but from occasional
conversations, I gleaned scraps of private history which only added
to the affection and respect I felt for him. Once he asked me to
write a letter, and, as I settled pen and paper, I said, with an
irrepressible glimmer of feminine curiosity, “Shall it be addressed
to wife, or mother, John?”
“Neither, ma'am; I've got no wife, and will write to mother myself
when I get better. Did you think I was married because of this?” he
asked, touching a plain ring he wore, and often turned thoughtfully
on his finger when he lay alone.
“Partly that, but more from a settled sort of look you have,--a look
which young men seldom get until they marry.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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