Forgiveness -- Fiction; Guilt -- Fiction; Love -- Fiction
"The queen is just like a companion with me. Just like you, Stasi. I
wish you much joy at your wedding. I only heard of it from Zenza. You
shall have a wedding present from me; let me know what you'd like to
have. But now I beg of you, just tell me how it goes with my child. It
didn't please me to know that you had weighed it on the butcher's
scales, and that it's so heavy. I wouldn't have thought, mother, that
you would have allowed it, or that you, Hansei, would have given way to
the innkeeper. Beware of that fellow. It was only last night that I
dreamt you and he were rowing across the lake, and that he clutched you
and dragged you into the water. Then all was over. And then the Lady of
the Lake appeared, and she looked like the good countess who is now
away. She's the best friend I have here, and promised to visit you on
her way back. You can tell her and give her everything just as if it
was myself. They've just brought me my dinner. Ah, dear mother, if I
could only give you some of it. There are so many good things here and
there's always so much left. Don't let yourself want for anything, or
Hansei either, and my child least of all, for we can now afford it,
thank God! And I want to be with you for a long while yet, dear mother.
It often makes me feel bad that I can't be a mother--I mean a true
mother; but when I come home I'll make it all up to my child; and
Hansei, put all your money out at interest until I get home; remember,
it doesn't belong to us, but to our child, whom we deprive of its
mother.
"Mademoiselle Kramer, who is with me all day, was born here. She'd
rather be in the city, and she says it used to be much prettier here
than it now is; that everything used to be like the little garden
yonder, where there are walls and rooms with doors and windows, all
made of shrubbery. It's all very pretty and I like to go there, but
when I've been there a few minutes I am almost frightened to death: for
I feel as if I and the trees were bewitched, and I get away as soon as
I can. Mademoiselle Kramer is a very good person, but nothing is
quite to her taste. She's been used all her life to riding and fine
eating and sitting about; and mother, just think of what I have eaten
here--live ice! People here are so clever they can preserve ice and
make it up so that you can eat it. Yes, if that could satisfy one's
appetite, there wouldn't be any hungry people with us in the winter, or
even in the summer, further up the mountains. And mother, you once told
me a fairy-tale about walls that have ears; but this is no fable, it's
true and quite natural. They have speaking-trumpets, running through
the whole palace, and you can speak through them, and if I want
anything in my room, all I've got to do is to go up to the wall and say
so and in a minute it's there.
"This is a beautiful day and that makes me think that you have it as
well as we, and that the same sun that shines on us here shines on you,
too.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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