Forgiveness -- Fiction; Guilt -- Fiction; Love -- Fiction
".... Thank God! all's over. Now I can look forward to happier days.
We've had a terrible time here. If all goes well, there are only seven
Sundays more till I come home again. I can hardly believe it possible
that I've got to go away from here again, and yet I'll thank God a
thousand times, when I'm with you once more. If I stay here, I shall
grow quite stupid from thinking so much. There's misery everywhere and
people take pleasure in each other's wickedness, and, even if it isn't
true, they imagine it is and find pleasure in it, besides.
"There was some talk about our getting a place here, where we could all
be comfortable for life; but the queen said that it would be better for
me to go home, and whatever she says, is right. She's a true queen,
just as a queen ought to be. God has made her so, on purpose.
"I'd only like to know why she has to suffer so much.
"Oh, what a time we've had. Every minute, we thought the
queen-- There's not another soul like her in the world, and she had so
much to bear, and we're all human after all. But now, thank God, all's
over. The king's doctor says the danger's over. But, of course, what we
hoped for, is gone. I can't tell you how it made me feel, to think that
I was so well, and I felt as if I must go to the queen and give up
every drop of my blood to save her.
"Whenever I had a chance, I went down to the church--they have their
church in the house here--and prayed for the queen. My countess has
never once come to me. They say she looks like a shadow. All the
passages here are heated and the whole house is just like one warm
room, and the people in the palace would pass each other, without
taking notice of any one.
"On the evening that the queen thought she was going to die, she sent
for me and the child. She didn't say much, but her eyes told it all.
"And now, Hansei, keep yourself ready; you must come for me. Next time
I write, I'll tell you the very day when you're to come.
"I feel as if I couldn't wait; and yet it makes my heart ache to think
that I must leave my prince, for he loves me so. But I can't help it.
I've got a child, a husband and a mother of my own, at home, and am
tired of being in service and among strangers.
"Does the storm rage so terribly with you? Oh, how the wind blows. If
it would only bear me home. Last night it blew down a tree in front of
my window. It was a fine, large tree, and fell on a figure which it
broke to pieces. Every one said it was very beautiful, but I couldn't
see any beauty in such a thing. It seemed ever so impudent as it stood
there, and was enough to make one blush. I could see the tree and the
figure from my window, and people are already there, putting things to
rights, and carrying all that's damaged out of the way.
"They're very quick about such things here, whether it be a tree, a
marble figure, or a dead child.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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