On the Stage--and Off: The Brief Career of a Would-Be ActorJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
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On the Stage--and Off: The Brief Career of a Would-Be Actor
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
Actors -- Great Britain -- Biography; Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka), 1859-1927
“Dear Jim: If I stop long with this company I shall go mad (not very
far to go, perhaps you’ll say!). I must get out of it soon. It’s the
most wretched affair you could possibly imagine. Crummies’s show was
a _Comédie Française_ in its arrangements compared with this. We
have neither stage-manager nor acting-manager. If this were all, I
shouldn’t grumble; but we have to do our own bill posting, help work
the scenes, and take the money at the doors--not an arduous task this
last. There are no ‘lines.’ We are all ‘responsibles,’ and the parts
are distributed among us with the utmost impartiality. In the matter
of salary, too, there is the same charming equality; we all get a
guinea. In theory, that is: in reality, our salaries vary according
to our powers of nagging; the maximum ever attained by any one having
been fifteen shillings. I wonder we got any, though, considering
the audiences we play to. The mere sight of the house gives one the
horrors every night. It is so dimly lighted (for, to save expense,
the gas is only turned a quarter on) that you can hardly see your way
about, and so empty, that every sound echoes and re-echoes through the
place, till it seems as though a dozen people are talking in a scene
where there are only two. You walk on the stage, and there in front
of you are, say, twenty people dotted about the pit, a few more are
lolling listlessly over the gallery rails, and there are two or three
little groups in the boxes, while, as a background to these patches
of unhappy humanity, there stares out the bare boards and the dingy
upholstery. It is impossible to act among such surroundings as these.
All you can do#is to just drag through your part, and the audience,
who one and all have evidently been regretting from the very first
that they ever came--a fact they do not even attempt to disguise--are
as glad when it is over as you are. We stop a week in each town and
play the same pieces, so, of course, there is no study or rehearsal
now. But I wish there were; anything would be better than this
depressing monotony.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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