English fiction -- 20th century; Humorous stories, English; Short stories, English
The first was that, "on the 17th of June last, Dr. Gordon Venables did
feloniously and with malice aforethought commit the disgusting and
infamous crime of attending professionally the client of another
practitioner."
The second was that "in the course of rendering professional services to
the said client, Dr. Venables did knowingly and wittingly employ the
assistance of one who was not a properly registered medical man, to wit,
Thomas Boiling, footman, thereby showing himself to be a scurvy fellow
of infamous morals."
Dr. Venables decided to apologise. He also decided to send in an account
to Lord Lair for two hundred and fifty guineas. He justified this to
himself mainly on the ground that, according to a letter in that week's
_Lancet_, the supply of anthro-philomelitis in earth-worms was suddenly
giving out, and that it was necessary to recoup himself for the generous
quantity he had injected into Lord Lair. Naturally, also, he felt that
his lordship, as the author of the whole trouble, owed him something.
The Council, in consideration of his apology, dismissed the first count.
On the second count, however, they struck him off the register.
It was a terrible position for a young doctor to be in, but Gordon
Venables faced it like a man. With Lord Lair's fee in his pocket he came
to town and took a house in Harley Street. When he had paid the first
quarter's rent and the first instalment on the hired furniture, he had
fifty pounds left.
Ten pounds he spent on embossed stationery.
Forty pounds he spent on postage-stamps.
For the next three months no journal was complete without a letter from
999 Harley Street, signed "Gordon Venables," in which the iniquity of
his treatment by the British Medical Council was dwelt upon with the
fervour of a man who knew his subject thoroughly; no such letter was
complete without a side-reference to anthro-philomelitis (as found,
happily, in earth-worms) and the anthro-philomelitis treatment (as
recommended by peers). Six months previously the name of Venables had
been utterly unknown to the man in the street. In three months' time it
was better known even than ----'s, the well-known ----.
One-half of London said he was an infamous quack.
The other half of London said he was a martyred genius.
Both halves agreed that, after all, one might as well _try_ this new
what-you-may-call-it treatment, just to see if there was anything _in_
it, don't you know.
It was only last week that Mr. Venables made an excellent speech against
the super-tax.
THE NEWSPAPER PROPRIETOR
The great Hector Strong, lord of journalism and swayer of empires, paced
the floor of his luxurious apartment with bowed head, his corrugated
countenance furrowed with lines of anxiety. He had just returned from a
lunch with all his favourite advertisers ... but it was not this which
troubled him. He was thinking out a new policy for _The Daily Vane_.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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