Once Aboard the Lugger-- The History of George and his MaryHutchinson, A. S. M. (Arthur Stuart-Menteth)
General
Once Aboard the Lugger-- The History of George and his Mary
Hutchinson, A. S. M. (Arthur Stuart-Menteth)
Fiction; Humorous stories
Entering the room Mr. Brunger unlocked the roll-top desk; discovered the
stump of a half-smoked cigarette; lit it and began to compare the day's
racing selections of “Head Lad,” who imparted stable secrets to one
tipster's organ, with those of “Trainer,” who from the knowledge of his
position very kindly gave one horse snips to another.
At ten o'clock the large staff of trained detectives (male and female),
mentioned in Mr. Brunger's advertisements, came pouring up the stairs,
knocked at the door and filed into the room. Its name was Issy Jago, a
Jewish young gentleman aged seventeen, whose appearance testified in the
highest manner to the considerable thrift he exercised in the matter of
hair-dressers and toilet soap.
Mr. Issy Jago sat himself on the wooden-seated chair before the small
deal table; got to work upon his finger-nails with the corner of an
omnibus ticket; proceeded to study the police court reports in the
_Daily Telegraph_.
It was his duty, whenever he noted plaintiffs or defendants to whom Mr.
David Brunger's services might be of benefit, to post to them Mr.
David Brunger's card together with a selection of entirely unsolicited
testimonials composed and dictated by Mr. Brunger for the occasion.
Also his duty to receive clients.
When a knock was heard at “DAVID BRUNGER (Clerks)” Mr. Issy Jago
would slip through from “DAVID BRUNGER (Private)” to the tiny closet
containing the cistern into which the door marked “DAVID BRUNGER
(Clerks)” opened. Sliding through this door in such a manner as to give
the client no glimpse of the interior, he would inform the visitor,
with a confidential wink, “Fact is we have a client in there--a very
well-known personage who does not wish it to be known that he is
consulting us.” The impressed caller would then be conducted into “DAVID
BEUNGER (Private).”
Between “DAVID BRUNGER (Private)” and “DAVID BRUNGER (Office),” on the
other hand, there was no communication. Indeed there was no room behind
“(Office)”: the door gave on to the roof. When, therefore, a hesitating
client chose to knock at “(Office)” Mr. Issy Jago, emerging from
“(Private),” would give the whispered information: “Fact is there's a
very important private consultation going on in there--Scotland Yard
consulting us.” And the impressed client would forthwith be led into
“DAVID BRUNGER (Private).”
In either event, the client trapped, Mr. Issy Jago would skip into
“(Clerks)” and sit on the cistern till Mr. Brunger's bell summoned him.
For the privilege of adding to the dignity of his single apartment
by having his name inscribed upon the cistern cupboard and upon the
emergency exit to the roof, Mr. Brunger paid thirty shillings extra per
annum.
III.
By half-past ten Mr. Brunger was occupied in composing an unsolicited
testimonial to be sent to the wife of a green-grocer in the Borough who,
on the previous day, had summoned her husband for assault at Lambeth
Police-Court.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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