Once Aboard the Lugger-- The History of George and his MaryHutchinson, A. S. M. (Arthur Stuart-Menteth)
General
Once Aboard the Lugger-- The History of George and his Mary
Hutchinson, A. S. M. (Arthur Stuart-Menteth)
Fiction; Humorous stories
“A _gang,_” repeated Mr. Brunger, immensely relishing the word. “We
detectives do not like to speak with certainty until we have clapped our
hands upon our men; we leave that for the amateurs, the bunglers--the
_quacks_ of our profession.” The famous confidential inquiry agent
tapped the table with his forefinger and proceeded impressively. “But I
will say this much. Not only a gang, but a desperate gang, a dangerous,
stick-at-nothing gang.”
Mr. Marrapit writhed. The detective continued: “What are our grounds for
this belief?” he asked. “What are our _data_?”
He looked at George. George shook his head. Easy enough, and useful,
to acquiesce in the idea of a gang, but uncommonly hard to support the
belief. He shook his head.
Mr. Brunger was disappointed; a little at sea, he would have clutched
eagerly at any aid. However, “impress your client.” He continued: “These
are our data. We have a valuable cat--a cat, sir, upon which the eyes of
cat-breeders are enviously fixed. Take America--you have had surprising
offers from America for this cat, sir, so you told me?”
“Eight hundred pounds,” Mr. Marrapit groaned.
“Precisely. Observe how our data accumulate. We have dissatisfaction
among breeders at home because you will not employ this cat as, in their
opinion, for the good of the breed, she should be employed.”
Mr. Marrapit moaned: “Polygamy is abhorrent to me.”
“Precisely. Our data positively pile about us. We have a thousand
enthusiasts yearning for this cat. We have your refusal to sell or
to--to--” Mr. Brunger allowed a hiatus delicately to express his
meaning. “Then depend upon it, sir, we have a determination to secure
this cat by foul means since fair will not avail. We have a conspiracy
among unscrupulous breeders to obtain this valuable cat, and hence, sir,
we have a gang--a _gang_.”
Mr. Marrapit put his anguish of mind into two very deep groans.
“Keep calm, my dear sir,” Mr. Brunger soothed. “We shall return your
cat. We have our data.” He continued: “Now, sir, there are two ways of
dealing with a _gang_. We can capture the _gang_ or we can seduce the
_gang_--by offering a reward.”
George jumped in his chair. “Anything wrong?” Mr. Brunger inquired.
“Your--your extraordinary grasp of the case astonishes me,” George
exclaimed.
“Experience, sir, experience,” said Mr. Brunger airily. Addressing Mr.
Marrapit, “We must put both methods to work,” he continued. “I shall
now go to town, look up the chief breeders and set members of my trained
staff to track them. Also I must advertise this reward. With a cat of
such value we cannot use half measures. Shall we say one hundred pounds
to start with?”
“Barley water!” gasped Mr. Marrapit. “Barley water!”
George sprang to the sideboard where always stood a jug of Mr.
Marrapit's favourite refreshment. Mr. Marrapit drank, agitation rattling
the glass against his teeth.
“Think what it means to you, sir,” persuaded Mr. Brunger, a little
alarmed at the effects of his proposal.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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