Once Aboard the Lugger-- The History of George and his MaryHutchinson, A. S. M. (Arthur Stuart-Menteth)
General
Once Aboard the Lugger-- The History of George and his Mary
Hutchinson, A. S. M. (Arthur Stuart-Menteth)
Fiction; Humorous stories
George took a chair. He had no plan. He plunged wildly. “Gang A, gang B,
gang C, gang D--”
Mr. Brunger stopped short in the midst of his note.
“Why, that's _four_ gangs!”
The twisting of George's legs beneath the table was sympathetic with
the struggles of his bewildered mind. He said desperately, “Well, there
_are_ four gangs.”
The detective threw down his pencil. “You're making a fool of me!” he
cried. “First you said two gangs, then three gangs--”
“You're making a fool of yourself,” George answered hotly. “If you knew
anything about gangs you'd know they're always breaking up--quarrelling,
and then rejoining, and then splitting again. If you can't follow, don't
follow. Find the damned gangs yourself. You're a detective--I'm not. At
least you say you are. You're a precious poor one, seems to me. You've
not done much.”
In his bewilderment and fear my unfortunate George had unwittingly
hit upon an admirable policy. Since first Mr. Marrapit had called Mr.
Brunger it had sunk in upon the Confidential Inquiry Agent that indeed
he was a precious poor detective. In the five days that had passed he
had not struck upon the glimmer of a notion regarding the whereabouts
of the missing cat. This was no hiding in cupboard work, no marked coin
work, no following the skittish wife of a greengrocer work. It was
the real thing--real detective work, and it had found Mr. Brunger
most lamentably wanting. Till now, however, none had suspected
his perplexity. He had impressed his client--had bounced,
noted, cross-examined, measured; and during every bounce, note,
cross-examination and measurement fervently had prayed that luck--or the
reward--would help him stumble upon something he could claim as outcome
of his skill. George's violent attack alarmed him; he drew in his horns.
“Ah! don't be 'ot,” he protested. “Don't be 'ot. Little
misunderstanding, that's all. I follow you completely. Four gangs--_I_
see. _Four_ gangs. Now, sir.”
It was George's turn for fear. “Four gangs--quite so. Well, what do you
want me to tell you?”
“Start from the beginning, sir.”
George started--plunged head-first. For five minutes he desperately
gabbled while Mr. Brunger's pencil bounded along behind his splashing;
words. Every time the pencil seemed to slacken, away again George would
fly and away in pursuit the pencil would laboriously toil.
“Four gangs,” George plunged along. “Gang A, gang B, gang C, gang D.
Gang A breaks into the house and steals the cat. Gang B finds it gone
and tracks down gang C.”
“Tracks gang A, surely,” panted Mr. Brunger. “Gang A had the cat.”
“Gang B didn't know that. I tell you this is a devil of a complicated
affair. Gang B tracks down gang C and finds gang D. They join. Call 'em
gang B-D. Gang A loses the cat and gang C finds it. Gang C sells it to
gang B-D, which is run by an American, as I said.”
“Did you?” gasped Mr. Brunger without looking up.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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