Who could have recognized the young and handsome youth in the broken-
down, feeble, careworn man who now leaned over the palings of a little
flower-garden, and gazed mournfully at a rustic bench beneath a lime-
tree? Ay, there it was, in that very spot, one chapter of his life was
finished. It was there she had refused him! He had no right, it is true,
to have presumed so highly; there was nothing in his position to warrant
such daring; but had she not encouraged him? That was the question; he
believed so, at least. She had seen his devotion to her, and had not
repulsed it. Nay, more, she had suffered him to speak to her of feelings
and emotions, of hopes and fears and ambitions, that only they are led
to speak who talk to willing ears. Was this encouragement, or was it the
compassionate pity of one, to him, so friendless and alone? May
certainly knew that he loved her. She had even resented his little
passing attentions to Mrs. Morris, and was actually jealous of the hours
he bestowed on Clara; and yet, with all this, she had refused him, and
told him not to hope that, even with time, her feeling towards him
should change. “How could it be otherwise?” cried he to himself. “What
was I, to have pretended so highly? Her husband should be able to offer
a station superior to her own. So thought she, too, herself. How her
words ring in my ears even yet: 'I _do_ love rank'! Yes, it was there,
on that spot, she said it. I made confession of my love, and she, in
turn, told me of _hers_; and it was the world, the great and gorgeous
prize, for which men barter everything. And then her cold smile, as I
said, 'What is this same rank you prize so highly; can I not reach it--
win it?' 'I will not waste youth in struggle and conflict,' said she.
'Ha!' cried I, 'these words are not yours. I heard them one short week
ago. I know your teacher now. It was that false-hearted woman gave you
these precious maxims. It was not thus you spoke or felt when first I
knew you, May.' 'Is it not well,' said she, 'that we have each grown
wiser?' I heard no more. I have no memory for the passionate words I
uttered, the bitter reproaches I dared to make her. We parted in anger,
never to meet again; and then poor Clara, how I hear her faint, soft
voice, as she found me sitting there alone, forsaken, as she asked me,
'May I take these flowers?' and oh! how bitterly she wept as I snatched
them from her hand, and scattered them on the ground, saying, 'They were
not meant for you!' 'Let me have one, dear Alfred,' said she, just then;
and she took up a little jasmine flower from the walk. 'Even that you
despise to give is dear _to me!_ And so I kissed her on the forehead,
and said, 'Good-bye.' Two partings,--never to meet again!” He covered
his face with his hands, and his chest heaved heavily.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account