Only a Girl: or, A Physician for the Soul.Hillern, Wilhelmine von
General
Only a Girl: or, A Physician for the Soul.
Hillern, Wilhelmine von
German fiction -- Translations into English
Her uncle arose, for two o'clock had just been tolled from the belfry
of the village church. He did not fail to observe the terrible
impression that his words had made upon Ernestine. He took her hand;
she withdrew it from his grasp. He smiled. "You are sorry, are you not,
to give up everything that your childish mind has believed in so
firmly? I can easily understand it. But, Ernestine, your powers of mind
are too great to allow you to find consolation for any length of time
in such delusions. Be sure that sooner or later you would have
extricated yourself from such bondage, as the expanding flower throws
off the confining hull. You have been ill, and your physical weakness
has depressed your mental energy; but, when you are well and strong
again, you will rejoice proudly in the consciousness that you are a
free, irresponsible being, not dependent upon the will and the doubtful
justice of a fancied Jehovah. Study yourself, my child; in yourself
lies your future. Believe in yourself, and plant your hopes deeply in
your faith in yourself. I will leave you now to sleep; and I am sure
that to-morrow I shall find you a little philosopher."
Long after her uncle had left the room and Rieka had retired upon
tiptoe to bed in the adjoining apartment, fully convinced that her
charge was sleeping, Ernestine was wide awake. She lay perfectly
motionless, as if shattered in every limb. She stirred for the first
time when Rieka had extinguished the light, so that no ray came through
the open door. Then the child drew a deep breath, and stretched her
arms out into the darkness as if to clasp the forms of her vanished
faith; but her arms encountered only the empty air. There was no more
pitiable creature upon earth than she at that moment. What is left for
a child without father or mother, who has lost her guardian angel and
her God? She is a bird fallen from the nest, stripped by cruelty of its
wings and left living on the ground. The child's foreboding soul,
precociously matured by misfortune, felt the entire weight of her
desolation; and she hid her face in the pillow, that Rieka might not
hear the convulsive sobs wrung from the depths of her misery. The tears
which she poured forth for her vanished God were all that her uncle had
left her,--the only prayer that she was capable of. She longed to
pray--but could not in words. "He does not hear me! He does not live!"
she cried to herself; and the hot tears burst forth again, and she wept
in agony. And, as she wept, her heart grew soft and tender, and as the
Crucified, after he had been laid in the tomb, was present invisibly
among his disciples, so the God who had just been buried away from her
mind came to life again in her heart; she did not hear nor see him, but
she felt his presence, and it gave her strength to pray. She kneeled in
her bed, folded her hands, and cried inwardly: "Dear God, let me keep
my belief in Thee--if Thou art and canst hear me--" --that terrible
"if" intruded.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account