Gregory could not believe himself the haggard wretch that Mr. Walton
had found two hours since. Then he was ready to welcome death as a
deliverer. Insane man! As if death ever delivered any from evil but the
good! But so potent had been the sweet wine of Annie's ministry that
his chilled and benumbed heart was beginning to glow with a faint
warmth of hope and comfort. Morbidness could no more exist in her
presence than shadows on the sunny side of trees. With her full
knowledge of the immediate cause of his suffering, and with her unusual
tact, she had applied balm to body and spirit at the same time. The
sharp, cutting agony in his head had been charmed away. The paroxysm
had passed, and the dull ache that remained seemed nothing in
comparison--merely the heavy swell of the departed storm.
He forgot himself, the source of all his trouble, in thinking about
Miss Walton. The plain girl, as he had at first regarded her, with a
weak, untried character that he had expected to topple over by the
breath of a little flattery, now seemed divinely beautiful and strong.
She reminded him of the graceful, symmetrical elm, which, though
bending to the tempest, is rarely broken or uprooted.
He hardly hoped that she would give him credit for the real state of
his mind which had led to his ready promise of secrecy. To the
counterfeiter's wretched companion he had seemed the weakest and
meanest of cowards, and if the story were generally known he would
appear in the same light to the world. To his intensely proud nature
this would be intolerable. And why should it not be known? If Miss
Walton chose to regard his choice as one of cowardice, how could he
prove, even to her, that it was not?
Moreover, his low estimate of human nature led him to believe that even
Annie would use him as a dark background for her heroism; and he well
knew that when such a story is once started, society's strongest
tendency is to exaggerate man's pusillanimity and woman's courage. He
shuddered as he saw himself growing blacker and meaner in every
fireside and street corner narration of the strange tale, till at last
his infamy should pass into one of the traditions of the place. A man
like Gregory could not long have endured such a prospect. He would have
died, either by every physical power speedily giving way under mental
anguish, or by his own hand; or, if he had lived, reason would have
dropped its sceptre and become the sport of wild thoughts and fancies.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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