But Annie unexpectedly awakened hope for the present and future. This
eager-eyed, joyous girl, looking forward with almost a child's delight
to the life he dreaded--this patient woman already taking up the cares
and burdens of her lot with cheerful acceptance--this strong,
high-principled maiden, facing and mastering temptation in the spirit
of the olden time--this daughter of nature was full of inspiration.
Never had he found her society a weariness. On the contrary she had
stirred his slow, feeble pulse, and revived his jaded mind, from the
first. Her pure, fresh thought and feeling had been like a breath from
an oasis to one perishing in the desert. But chiefly had her kindness,
delicacy, and generosity, when in his moral and physical weakness he
had been completely at her mercy, won his deepest gratitude. Also he
felt that in all his after life he could never even think of her touch
upon his aching temples without an answering thrill of his whole nature
that appeared to have an innate sympathy with hers.
And yet the exasperating mystery of it all! While she was becoming the
one source of life and hope for him, while his very soul cried out for
her friendship and sisterly regard (as he would then have said), she
seemed, in her preoccupation, unconscious of his existence, and he
instinctively felt that she would bid him "good-by" on the following
day, perhaps, with a sense of relief, and the current of her life flow
on as smoothly and brightly as if he had never caused a passing
agitation.
With gnawing remorse he inwardly cursed his evil life and unworthy
character, for these he believed formed the hopeless gulf that
separated them.
"It is the same," he said, in his exaggerating way, "as if a puddle
should mirror the star just above it, and, becoming enamored, should
wish it to fall and be quenched in its foul depths."
But he did himself great wrong; for in the fact that Annie so attracted
him he proved that he possessed large capabilities of good.
He could not bear to see her sitting there so quietly forgetful of him,
and so made several vain attempts during the evening to draw her into
conversation. Finding her disinclined to talk, he at last ventured to
ask her to sing. With something like coldness she replied, "Really, Mr.
Gregory, I am not in the mood for it this evening; besides, I am
greatly fatigued."
What a careless, indifferent shrug he usually gave when fair ladies
denied his requests! Now, for some unaccountable reason, he flushed
deeply and a sharp pain came into his heart. But he only said, "Pardon
me, Miss Walton, for not seeing this myself. But you know that I am
selfishness embodied, and your former good-nature leads me to presume."
Annie gave him a hurried smile, as she answered, "Another time I will
try to keep up my character better"; and then she was absorbed again in
a picture among the hickory coals.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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