Gregory was puzzled. Here was one who had foiled his most adroit
temptations, and resisted wrong in a way that was simply heroic, first
showing something very like vanity and selfishness, and then temper and
passion on what seemed but slight provocation. He did not realize, as
many do not, that the petty vexations of life will often sting into the
most humiliating displays of weakness one who has the courage and
strength to be a martyr. Generals who were as calm and grand in battle
as Mont Blanc in a storm have been known to fume like small beer, in
camp, at very slight annoyances.
Annie's spirit was naturally quick and imperious, brooking opposition
from no one. She was also fond of approbation. She rated Gregory's
hollow French gallantry at its true worth, but his subsequent sincere
respect and admiration, after their mountain adventure, had
unconsciously elated her, especially as she felt that she had earned
them well.
Thus, when he had not intended it, and had given over as hopeless his
purpose to tempt her, and dropped it in self-loathing that he should
ever have entertained it, he had by his honest gratitude and esteem
awakened the dormant vanity which was more sensitive to tributes to her
character than to mere personal compliments. The attention she had
received the day before had developed this self-complacency still more,
and the nice balance of her moral life had been disturbed.
It seems that the tempter watches for every vantage. At any rate, as
she expressed it, "everything went wrong" that day. One weakness, one
wrong, prepares the way for another as surely as when one soldier of
Diabolus gets within the city he will open the gates to others; and
Annie's temper, that she had so long and prayerfully schooled, was the
weak point inevitably assailed. She was found with her armor off. She
had closed the preceding day and entered on the present with the form
and not the reality of prayer. Therefore it was Annie Walton alone who
was coping with temptation. She felt that all was wrong without and
within. She felt that she ought to go to God at once in acknowledgment
and penitence, and regain her peace; but pride and passion were
aroused. She was hurried and worried, full of impotent revolt at
herself and everything. She was in no mood for the dreaded
self-examination that she knew must come. She was like a little wayward
child, that, while it loves its parents, yet grieves and wrongs them by
lack of obedience and simple trust, and having wronged them, partly
from pride and partly from fear, does not humbly seek reconciliation.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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