She remembered that now; and it was that same 'other,' who, from the
first, had possessed a nameless quality to challenge and arrest
Dinah. Gradually he had occupied a larger and larger domain in her
mind, until he overwhelmed it and her gradual revelation was
complete. For gradual it had been. Together they walked once more
at her wish, after their first long tramp, while, agreeably to the
invitation of Mr. Bamsey, Lawrence Maynard again visited Green Hayes
upon a Sunday afternoon. Then, indeed, under the eyes of Jane and
her mother, Dinah had hidden her heart very effectually, and even
made occasion to leave the house and go elsewhere before Maynard's
visit was ended; but she knew by signs in her body and soul that she
was in love. The amazing novelty of her thoughts, the
transfiguration they created in her outlook upon all things, the new
colours they imparted to any vision of the future, convinced her that
there could be no doubt. Against this reality, the past looked
unreal; before this immensity, the past appeared, dwarfed and futile.
That cloudy thing, her whole previous existence, was now reduced to a
mere huddled background--its only excuse the rainbow that had
suddenly glowed out upon it.
She was honestly ashamed that love could have happened to her at this
moment and thrust so abruptly in upon her sad experience with Johnny.
It seemed, in some moods, callous and ungenerous to allow such
wayward delights and dreams to enter her heart while well she knew
that his was heavy. But, at other times, she would not blame
herself, for her conscience was clear. Maynard had meant nothing to
her when she gave up her first lover, and it was no thought of him,
or any man, that had determined her to do so.
Her love at least was pure as love well could be, for she did not
know that he returned it; sometimes, at first, she almost hoped he
would not. But that was only in the dim and glimmering dawn of it.
Love cannot feed on dreams alone. She put it from her at first, only
to find it fly back. So she nursed it secretly and waited and
wondered, and, meantime, strove to find a way to leave Green Hayes.
But still Ben opposed her suggestions, and then there came a time
when, from the first immature fancy that to love him secretly,
herself unloved, would be enough, Dinah woke into a passionate desire
that he should love her back again. Now she was mature,
accomplished, awake and alert, lightning quick to read his mood, the
inflexion of every word he uttered when he was beside her, the
faintest brightening of his eyes, his dress, his walk, the
inspiration of every moment.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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