Adventure stories; Children -- Conduct of life -- Juvenile fiction; Children's stories; Fantasy literature; Short stories
Eliza and Billy were married in due course. The kingdoms are now
extremely happy. Both are governed by Billy, who is a very good King
because he knows so much. Eliza got him to change the law about Queens
knowing everything, because she wanted her husband to be cleverer than
she was. But Billy didn't want to make laws to turn his Eliza stupid, so
he just changed the law--only a little bit--so that the King knows
everything a man ought to know, and the Queen knows everything that
ought to be known by a woman. So that's all right.
Exploring expeditions were fitted out to find the edge of the toffee. It
was found to stand up in cliffs two hundred feet high, overhanging the
real, live, salt-watery sea. The King had ships built at once to sail on
the real sea and carry merchandise to other lands. And so Allexanassa
and Plurimiregia grew richer and richer every day. The merchandise, of
course, is toffee, and half the men in the kingdoms work in the great
toffee-mines. All the toffee you buy in shops comes from there. And the
reason why some of the cheaper kinds you buy are so gritty is, I need
hardly say, because the toffee-miners will not remember, before they go
down into the mines, to wipe their muddy boots on the doormats provided
by Billy the King, with the Royal Arms in seven colours on the middle of
each mat.
THE PRINCESS AND THE CAT
The day when everything began to happen to the Princess began just like
all her ordinary days. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and
the Princess jumped out of bed and ran into the nursery to let the mice
out of the traps in the nursery cupboard. The traps were set every night
with a little bit of cheese in each, and every morning nurse found that
not a single trap had caught a single mouse. This was because the
Princess always let them go. No one knew this except the Princess and,
of course, the mice themselves. And the mice never forgot it.
Then came bath and breakfast, and then the Princess ran to the open
window and threw out the crumbs to the birds that flew down fluttering
and chirping into the marble terrace. Before lessons began she had an
hour for playing in the garden. But she never began to play till she had
been round to see if any rabbits or moles were caught in the traps the
palace gardeners set. The gardeners were lazy, and seldom got to work
before half-past eight, so she always had plenty of time for this.
Then came lessons with dear old Professor Ouatidontnoisuntwuthnoing, and
then more play, and dinner, and needlework, and play again.
And now it was teatime.
'Eat up your bread-and-butter, your Highness,' said nurse, 'and then you
shall have some nice plummy cake.'
'I don't feel plum-cakey at all to-day, somehow,' said the Princess. 'I
feel just exactly as if something was going to happen.'
'Something's always happening,' said nurse.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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