He put out his hand to her in all calm self-possession; he spoke the
salutation with quiet equanimity; but as Sara looked in his face she
knew that his agitation was not in reality less than hers. She said a
few confused words in explanation of her being there at that hour, and
alone. On calling that afternoon she had found Caroline not well, and
had stayed with her to the last moment, as Mark was in the country.
Then for a whole minute there was a silence. Perhaps neither could
speak. Sara put an end to it by turning towards the gate.
"You will let me see you home, as you are alone?"
"No, thank you," she answered. "There is nothing to hurt me. It is as
light as day."
He did not press it. He seemed half-paralysed with indecision. Sara
wished him good night, and he responded to it, and once more shook
hands, all mechanically.
But as she was going through the gate, she turned to speak, a question
having occurred to her. One moment longer, and he had arrested her
progress.
"There are two or three books at our house belonging to you," she
said. "What is to be done with them? Shall they be sent to the Apple
Tree?"
He caught her hands; he drew her from the gate into the bright
moonlight. He could not let her go without a word of explanation; the
cruelty of visiting upon her her father's sin was very present to him
then.
"Are we to part thus for ever, Sara?"
Surely that question was cruel! It was not she who had instituted the
parting; it was himself. She did not so much as know its cause.
"May we not meet once in a way, as friends?" he continued. "I dare not
ask for more now."
That he loved her still was all too evident. And Sara took courage to
gasp forth a question. In these moments of agitation the cold
conventionalities of the world are sometimes set aside.
"What has been the matter? How have we offended you?"
"_You_ have not offended me," he answered, his agitation almost
irrepressible. "I love you more than I ever did; this one moment of
meeting has proved it to me. I could lay down my life for you, Sara; I
could sacrifice all, save honour, for you. And you? You have not
changed?--you love me still?"
"Yes," she gasped, unable to deny the truth, too miserable to care to
suppress it.
"And yet we must part! we must go forth on our separate paths,
striving to forget. But when our lives shall end, Sara, we shall
neither of us have loved another as we love now."
Her very heart seemed to shiver; the fiat was all too plainly
expressed. But she stood there quietly, waiting for more, her hand in
his.
"I would have forfeited half my future life, I would have given all
its benefits to be able to call you mine. The blow upon me has been
very bitter."
"What blow?" she murmured.
"I cannot tell it you," he cried, after a struggle. "Not to you can I
speak of it."
"But you must," she rejoined, the words breaking from her in her
agony. "You have said too much, or too little."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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