“It was thus brutally,” she resumed, “that I was sent off. It
would have been useless to beg, I knew; and, moreover, I have never
known how to beg. I piled up hurriedly in two trunks and in some
bandboxes all I had in the world,--all I had received from the
generosity of my poor mistress; and, before the stated hour, I was
ready. The cook and the chambermaid had already gone. The man who
was treating me so cruelly was waiting for me. He helped me carry
out my boxes and trunks, after which he locked the door, put the
key in his pocket; and, as the American omnibus was passing, he
beckoned to it to stop. And then, before entering it,
“‘Good luck, my pretty girl!’ he said with a laugh.
“This was in the month of January, 1866. I was just thirteen. I
have had since more terrible trials, and I have found myself in much
more desperate situations: but I do not remember ever feeling such
intense discouragement as I did that day, when I found myself alone
upon that road, not knowing which way to go. I sat down on one of
my trunks. The weather was cold and gloomy: there were few persons
on the road. They looked at me, doubtless wondering what I was doing
there. I wept. I had a vague feeling that the well-meant kindness
of my poor benefactress, in bestowing upon me the blessings of
education, would in reality prove a serious impediment in the
life-struggle which I was about to begin again. I thought of what
I suffered with the laundress; and, at the idea of the tortures
which the future still held in store for me, I desired death. The
Seine was near: why not put an end at once to the miserable
existence which I foresaw?
“Such were my reflections, when a woman from Rueil, a
vegetable-vender, whom I knew by sight, happened to pass, pushing
her hand-cart before her over the muddy pavement. She stopped when
she saw me; and, in the softest voice she could command,
“‘What are you doing there, my darling?’ she asked.
“In a few words I explained to her my situation. She seemed more
surprised than moved.
“‘Such is life,’ she remarked,--‘sometimes up, sometimes down.’
“And, stepping up nearer,
“‘What do you expect to do now?’ she interrogated in a tone of voice
so different from that in which she had spoken at first, that I felt
more keenly the horror of my altered situation.
“‘I have no idea,’ I replied.
“After thinking for a moment,
“‘You can’t stay there,’ she resumed: ‘the gendarmes would arrest
you. Come with me. We will talk things over at the house; and
I’ll give you my advice.’
“I was so completely crushed, that I had neither strength nor will.
Besides, what was the use of thinking? Had I any choice of
resolutions? Finally, the woman’s offer seemed to me a last favor
of destiny.
“‘I shall do as you say, madame,’ I replied.
“She proceeded at once to load up my little baggage on her cart.
We started; and soon we arrived ‘home.’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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