Our Family Affairs, 1867-1896Benson, E. F. (Edward Frederic)
General
Our Family Affairs, 1867-1896
Benson, E. F. (Edward Frederic)
Benson family
She had died that morning, facing death with the fearless welcome that
she had always given to any new experience. During her illness she had
not been able to speak at all, but had written little sentences on
scraps of paper; after the nature of it was declared she had been
completely isolated, but her nurse disinfected these notes and sent them
to the others. The first was a joyful little line to my mother, saying
that as she had to be in bed, she was going to have a good spell of
writing at a story she was engaged on. At the end, the last note but one
had been for her nurse; in this she had thanked her and asked, “Is there
anything I can do?” Her nurse answered her when she read it, “Let
patience do her perfect work.”... So that was off Nellie’s mind. And
then last of all she wrote to my mother who was by her bed and she
traced out, “I wonder what it will be like. Give them all my love.” Then
my mother began saying to her, “Jesu, Lover of my soul,” and while she
was saying it, Nellie died.
That afternoon, we, the rest of us, went out on that still sunny October
day and strolled through the woods together, splitting up into twos and
threes and rejoining again. My mother seemed to have her hand in
Nellie’s all the time, telling us, who had come too late, tranquilly
and serenely, how the days had gone, and how patient she had been and
how cheerful. We recalled all sorts of things about her, with smiles and
with laughter, and there was no sense of loss, for my mother brought her
amongst us, and never let go of her. Then, back in the house again,
there were other arrangements to be made: it was settled that Arthur,
Hugh and I should go back to Eton and Cambridge as soon as we could, but
after the funeral we must spend a week of quarantine somewhere. How
Nellie had got diphtheria was obscure, and it was better that we should
not sleep in the house, or run a possible risk of infection. I wanted to
see her, but my mother said that what I wanted to see was not Nellie at
all, and that I must think of her as I had known her. And as I knew her,
so she has always remained for me, collecting the cedar-sulphur, or
laughing with open mouth, or grave and eager with sympathy. The
glass-lidded pill-boxes were on a ledge of a bookcase, where we had left
them a week or two before. My mother had seen them, and thought that
there was probably some mystic significance about them, so I told her
how Nellie and I had gathered them, and she said, “What treasures: bless
her!” Golden October weather it was, with frosts at night and windless
days, and the chestnut leaves came peeling off the trees and falling in
a heap of tawny yellow below them, each leaf twirling in the air as it
fell.
She was buried in Addington churchyard and next her now lies Maggie, and
on her other side my mother.
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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