Our Show: A Humorous Account of the International Exposition in Honor of the Centennial Anniversary of American Independence, from Inception to Completion, Including Description of Buildings, Biographies of Managers, Receptions of Foreign Dignitaries, Opening Ceremonies, Poem, Oration, Amusing Survey of All Departments, Incidents, Etc., Etc.Cohen, David Solis
History
Our Show: A Humorous Account of the International Exposition in Honor of the Centennial Anniversary of American Independence, from Inception to Completion, Including Description of Buildings, Biographies of Managers, Receptions of Foreign Dignitaries, Opening Ceremonies, Poem, Oration, Amusing Survey of All Departments, Incidents, Etc., Etc.
The bones of two waiters from one of the restaurants, had been
discovered in the bath-room of the Sandwich Island Commissioners, picked
clean. The gentlemen of the legation had entrapped these unsuspecting
servitors, plunged them into hot water, boiled them red as lobsters, and
then made a little feast of them, a reminder of their national banquets.
After feeding upon the poor unfortunates, they strewed their bones about
the apartment without the slightest regard for neatness or decency.
Grief-stricken relatives recognized the remains by two false teeth and
a glass eye which had not been consumed, and two weeping widows gathered
up the bones, while five sobbing orphans scrubbed the floor clean. Our
government immediately informed the court at Hawaii of this indiscretion
on the part of its representatives, hinting that any repetition in the
same quarter would be considered a gross breach of international
etiquette.
This incident so affected us that we at once applied for readmission to
the hospital. It was refused us, and we were obliged to lay off for two
days at our boarding house. When we started out again we proceeded at
once to
AGRICULTURAL HALL.
Our early progenitors having been tillers of the soil, the agricultural
display brought to mind the days of our youth and “the old tabby cat
that we threw in the well.” The turnips reminded us of the warm pressure
of a parent’s hand; the early apples caused our thoughts to wander to
the big peppermint bottle in the kitchen cupboard; in looking upon the
luscious ox-heart cherries, we could imagine the bark of our neighbor’s
dog; the parsnips brought to mind the face of our ancient
school-mistress, the beets recalled to us her blessed ratan, and the
sight of the onions finished up things by bringing tears to our eyes.
In addition to productions of the soil, this department contained
much of the field machinery for which America is so justly
famous--agricultural implements, from an oyster knife to a haywagon;
farm stock, from a potato bug to a prize ox; kitchen garden
preparations, from a rhubarb pie to a paregoric dumpling.
[DOING THE TROPICS.]
The building was divided into tropics. At one end the tropic of Cancer,
named in honor of an American disease; at the other, the tropic of
Capricorn, a cereal indigenous to our soil. The other seven tropics were
sprinkled between, at regular intervals. The live stock exhibit,
belonging to this portion of the Exposition, was most interesting.
Little piggy-wiggies with their tails neatly tied in red, white, and
blue ribbon; representatives of turkey and shanghai amicably sharing the
same Indian meal; horses eating out of silver plated fodder boxes; colts
chewing at rosewood hitching posts; animated mutton chops and undevilled
kidneys calculated to make an epicure’s mouth water; goats, cows,
calves, heifers, and most rare of all, real, genuine, spring chickens,
the very sort which the poet has so touchingly described in his sweet
lines
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