"Mark what I say, now, Squire Jones. The quickest way to catch that
ar' nigger 's just to lay low and keep whist. He's a pious nigger;
and a nigger can't keep his pious a'tween his teeth, no more nor a
blackbird can his chattering. The feller 'll feel as if he wants to
redeem somebody; and seeing how 'tis so, if ye just watch close some
Sunday ye'll nab the fellow with his own pious bait. Can catch a
pious runaway nigger 'most any time; the brute never knows enough to
keep it to himself," says a flashily dressed gentleman, as he leaned
against the counter, squinted his eye with an air of ponderous
satisfaction, and twirled his tumbler round and round on the
counter. "'Pears to me," he continues, quizzically, "Squire, you've
got a lot o' mixed cracker material here, what it'll be hard to
manufactor to make dependable voters on, 'lection day:" he casts a
look at the medley of sleepers.
"I wish the whole pack on 'em was sold into slavery, I do! They form
six-tenths of the voters in our state, and are more ignorant, and a
great deal worse citizens, than our slaves. Bl-'em, there is'nt one
in fifty can read or write, and they're impudenter than the
Governor."
"Hush! hush! squire. 'Twon't do to talk so. There ain't men nowhere
stand on dignity like them fellers; they are the very
bone-and-siners of the unwashed, hard-fisted democracy. The way
they'd pull this old tavern down, if they heard reflections on their
honour, would be a caution to storms. But how's old iron-sided
M'Fadden this morning? Begins to think of his niggers, I reckon,"
interrupts the gentleman; to which mine host shakes his head,
despondingly. Mine host wishes M'Fadden, nigger, candidates and all,
a very long distance from his place.
"I s'pose he thinks old Death, with his grim visage, ain't going to
call for him just now. That's ollers the way with northerners, who
lives atween the hope of something above, and the love of makin'
money below: they never feel bad about the conscience, until old
Davy Jones, Esq., the gentleman with the horns and tail, takes them
by the nose, and says-'come!'"
"I have struck an idea," says our worthy host, suddenly striking his
hand on the counter. "I will put up a poster. I will offer a big
reward. T'other property's all safe; there's only the preacher
missing."
"Just the strike! Give us yer hand, squire!" The gentleman reaches
his hand across the counter, and smiles, while cordially embracing
mine host. "Make the reward about two hundred, so I can make a good
week's work for the dogs and me. Got the best pack in the parish;
one on 'em knows as much as most clergymen, he does!" he very
deliberately concludes, displaying a wonderful opinion of his own
nigger-catching philosophy.
And Mr. Jones, such is mine host's name, immediately commenced
exercising his skill in composition on a large, poster, which with a
good hour's labour he completes, and posts upon the ceiling of the
"bar-room," just below an enormously illustrated Circus bill.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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