Out of the Hurly-Burly; Or, Life in an Odd CornerClark, Charles Heber
General
Out of the Hurly-Burly; Or, Life in an Odd Corner
Clark, Charles Heber
American fiction -- 19th century; Humorous stories
"'Mr. Simpson,' said the crowd, 'and he died on Tuesday.'
"'And how many of his infernal old widows--I mean how many of your
mother--are there?'
"'Only twenty-seven,' replied the children, 'and there are only
sixty-four of us, and we are awful glad you have come home.'
"The bishop did not seem to be unusually glad; somehow, he failed to
share the enthusiasm of the occasion. There appeared to be, in a certain
sense, too much sameness about these surprises; so he sat there with his
hat pulled over his eyes and considered the situation. Finally, seeing
there was no help for it, he went up to the house, and forty-eight of
Mrs. Potts rushed up to him and told him how the prophet had another
vision, in which he was commanded to seal Simpson's widow to Potts.
"Then the bishop stumbled around among the cradles to his writing-desk.
He felt among the gum rings and rattles for his letter-paper, and then
he addressed a note to Brigham, asking him as a personal favor to keep
awake until after Christmas. 'The man must take me for a foundling
hospital,' he said. Then the bishop saw clearly enough that if he gave
presents to the other children, and not to the late Simpson's, the bride
would make things warm for him. So he started again for San Francisco
for sixty-four more trumpets, while Mrs. Potts gradually took leave of
him in the entry--all but the red-haired woman, who was up stairs, and
who had to be satisfied with screeching good-bye at the top of her
voice.
[Illustration]
"On his way home, after his last visit to San Francisco, the bishop sat
in the car by the side of a man who had left Salt Lake the day before.
The stranger was communicative. In the course of the conversation he
remarked to the bishop:
"'That was a mighty pretty little affair up there at the city on
Monday.'
"'What affair?' asked Potts.
"'Why, that wedding; McGrath's widow, you know--married by proxy.'
"'You don't say?' replied the bishop. 'I didn't know McGrath was dead.'
"'Yes; died on Sunday, and that night Brigham had a vision in which he
was ordered to seal her to the bishop.'
"'Bishop!' exclaimed Potts. 'Bishop! What bishop?'
"'Well, you see, there were fifteen of Mrs. McGrath and eighty-two
children, and they shoved the whole lot off on old Potts. Perhaps you
don't know him?'
"The bishop gave a wild shriek and writhed upon the floor as if he had a
fit. When he recovered, he leaped from the train and walked back to San
Francisco. He afterward took the first steamer for Peru, where he
entered a monastery and became a celibate.
[Illustration]
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Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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