He was not a serious pirate; and despite his anxious cares, He rarely went to Sunday-school and seldom said his prayers. He worshiped lovely women, and his hope in life was this: To calm his wild, tumultuous soul with pure domestic bliss. When conversing with his shipmates, he very often swore That he longed to give up piracy and settle down on shore. He tired of blood and plunder; of the joys that they could bring; He sighed to win the love of some affectionate young thing. [Illustration] One morning as the "Mary Jane" went bounding o'er the sea The pirate saw a merchant bark far off upon his lee. He ordered a pursuit, and spread all sail that he could spare, And then went down, in hopeful mood, to shave and curl his hair. He blacked his boots and pared his nails and tied a fresh cravat; He cleansed his teeth, pulled down his cuffs and polished up his hat; He dimmed with flour the radiance of his fiery red nose, For, hanging with that vessel's wash, _he saw some ladies' hose_. [Illustration] Once more on deck, the stranger's hull he riddled with a ball, And yelled, "I say! what bark is that?" In answer to his call The skipper on the other boat replied in thunder tones: "This here's the bark Matilda, and her captain's name is Jones." The pirate told his bold corsairs to man the jolly-boats, To board the bark and seize the crew, and slit their tarry throats, And then to give his compliments to Captain Jones, and say He wished that he and Mrs. Jones would come and spend the day. They reached the bark, they killed the crew, they threw them in the sea, And then they sought the captain, who was mad as he could be, Because his wife--who saw the whole sad tragedy, it seems-- Made all the ship vociferous with her outrageous screams. [Illustration] But when the pirate's message came, she dried her streaming tears, And said, although she'd like to come, she had unpleasant fears That, his social status being very evidently low, She might meet some common people whom she wouldn't care to know. [Illustration] Her husband's aged father, she admitted, dealt in bones, But the family descended from the famous Duke de Jones; And such blue-blooded people, that the rabble might be checked, Had to make their social circle excessively select. [Illustration] Before she visited his ship she wanted him to say If the Smythes had recognized him in a social, friendly way; Did the Jonsons ever ask him 'round to their ancestral halls? Was he noticed by the Thomsons? Was he asked to Simms's balls? The pirate wrote that Thomson was his best and oldest friend, That he often stopped at Jonson's when he had a week to spend; As for the Smythes, they worried him with their incessant calls; His very legs were weary with the dance at Simms's balls. [Illustration]