"I can't help it," muttered she: "it's the way I was made, and the
way I shall die, I expect. I know I'm mean and hateful, and not half
as good as she; but--Oh! it's too bad, too bad!-it's cruel, and I
can't bear it! Mother loved me,--yes, she loved me best of every
thing; and that hateful Pic killed her: whose fault was that but
Dora's? Then Charlie-what does he care for me beside her? and, and--
Well, perhaps Mr. Brown never would have noticed me at any rate;
but, while she's round, he has no eyes for any one else. Even the
child, and the cats, and the dog, and the horses, every living
thing, loves her better than me; and now he's coming to court her
right before my eyes! I wish I was dead! I wish I'd never been born!
I'm not fit to live!"
She then threw herself again upon the ground, pressing her burning
forehead against the cool moss, and grasping handfuls of the leaves
rustling about her, while she wailed again and again,--
"I'm not fit to live,--not fit to live! Oh, I wish I was dead this
minute! O God! if you love me any better than the rest, let me die,
let me die this minute; for I am not fit to live."
"Then you cannot be fit to die, my child," said a voice above her;
and, starting up, Kitty found herself confronted by a tall,
fine-looking man, of about thirty years of age; his handsome face
just now wearing an expression of sorrowful sternness as he fixed
his eyes upon Kitty's, which fell before them.
"Mr. Brown!" stammered she.
"Yes, Kitty: my journey has been more rapid than I could have
expected; and I arrived at Greenfield about an hour ago. Finding you
so near, I took a horse, and came out here to-night. You did not
hear me approach; and, when I saw you through the trees, I
dismounted, and came to ask you what was the matter. I heard only
your last words, and perhaps I should not have noticed them; yet, as
a friend of you and yours, I will say again, Kitty, he who is not
fit to live should feel himself most unfit to die, which is but to
live with all the passions that made life unendurable made ours
forever."
"Do you think so? If I should die now, should I feel just as badly
when I came to in the other world?" asked Kitty with at startled
look.
Mr. Brown smiled, as he answered,--
"I cannot think, Kitty, that your remorse or your sorrows can be as
deep as you fancy. Perhaps they are only trifling vexations
connected with outside matters, not rising from real wrong within.
But you won't want to hear a sermon before I even reach the house:
so come and show me the way there, and tell me how you all are."
"Dora is very well," said Kitty, so crisply, that Mr. Brown glanced
at her sharply, and walked on in silence. Presently he said,--
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account