American fiction -- 20th century; Manhattan (New York, N.Y.) -- Fiction; Women artists -- Fiction
Mona held in her hand a book of musical sketches by an author unknown
to her. It was entitled Melomaniacs. It had been given to her by
Ulick Invern. But her attention had strayed from its pages to the
spectacle of the night. She was not happy. Nor was she unhappy. A sense
of emptiness oppressed her, the futility of matters mundane, love
included, oppressed her consciousness. If she could but pin her faith
to something tangible, concrete, make a definite act of affirmation
before the veil of life, behind which was hidden the accomplices of
her destiny. Know thyself! is wisdom, but if you are sick unto death
with yourself and its petty, insistent claims upon your volitions, then
forget thyself! might be a sounder motto. Mona had not the temperament
dynamic; nor yet was she lymphatic. In the company of Ulick she had
let herself go, as will some women in the more masterful grip of
the male, without relinquishing the captaincy of her inner citadel.
And now she had mentally dismissed her lover, realizing in a sudden
illumination that his instability, as unstable as an anchor that
drags, would be a bar to their happiness. She had tartly contradicted
Alfred when he laboriously hauled out, as if from a secret place, the
chief defects in Ulick's character. Yet, she recognized the justice
of the impeachment. Ulick was too fond of his pleasures, and girls
were no doubt the stencil of his cardinal sin. Impotent to change his
volatile nature--volatile, at least, where women were concerned--she
had resolved on hearing of the Dora episode to break their friendship.
She felt the wrench, especially this evening. She had returned from
the seashore promising herself that she would be strong. Instead, she
felt uneasy, full of barren desire, giddiness in her head and a sort
of green-sickness in her stomach. She recognized the symptoms, as
would any full-blooded girl of normal instincts; she also recognized
the necessity of suppressing certain emotions. So she resumed reading
The Rim of Finer Issues. She didn't like it as far as she had gone.
The writer, evidently unformed, floundered between Henry James and
the new French symbolists; psychological analysis was intermingled
with symbolical prose, the admixture proving rather confusing to her
tormented spirit. She longed for clarity. Still she continued to read
in a cursory manner.... Then her attention was caught by a subtitle:
Frustrate. No doubt the prose-poem threatened by the heroine with the
iron-colored eyes, or was it rust-colored hair? She read on and with
increasing interest this rhapsody of the sex-cells.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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