"Women of Adamant, fair Neophytes-- Who thirst for such instruction as we give, Attend, while I unfold a parable. The elephant is mightier than Man, Yet Man subdues him. Why? The elephant Is elephantine everywhere but here (_tapping her forehead_). And Man, whose brain is to the elephant's, As Woman's brain to man's--(that's rule of three) Conquers the foolish giant of the woods, As woman, in her turn, shall conquer Man! In mathematics, woman leads the way-- The narrow-minded pedant still believes That two and two make four! Why we can prove, We women-household drudges as we are-- That two and two make five--or three--or seven; Or five-and-twenty, if the case demands! Diplomacy! The wiliest diplomate Is absolutely helpless in our hands, _He_ wheedles monarchs--woman wheedles him! Logic? Why, tyrant Man himself admits It's waste of time to argue with a woman! Then we excel in social qualities: Though Man professes that he holds our sex In utter scorn, I venture to believe He'd rather spend the day with one of you Than with five hundred of his fellow-men! In all things we excel! Believing this, A hundred maidens here have sworn to place Their feet upon his neck. If we succeed, We'll treat him better than he treated us: But if we fail, why then let hope fail too! Let no one care a penny how she looks-- Let red be worn with yellow--blue with green-- Crimson with scarlet--violet with blue! Let all your things misfit, and you yourselves, At inconvenient moments come undone! Let hair-pins lose their virtue; let the hook Disdain the fascination of the eye-- The bashful button modestly evade The soft embraces of the button-hole! Let old associations all dissolve, Let Swan secede from Edgar--Gask from Gask-- Sewell from Cross--Lewis from Allenby! In other words, let Chaos come again! A large number of miscellaneous parodies remain to be noticed, a few of the best will be given in full; of the remainder it will be sufficient to indicate the works in which they occur, as they are readily accessible. THE CHARGE OF THE LIGHT BRIGADE. Some time ago _Funny Folks_ remarked:-- "The Laureate ought to add a verse to his famous lay of the Six Hundred. It seems that whenever one of the immortal brigade dies, a couple of recruits, at least, appear and fill his place. There are already far more living claimants to the glory of participating in the famous charge than ever took part in it. "When can their glory fade, If from the Light Brigade When ONE is sundered, Two will his place supply, Ready to multiply Still the Six Hundred?" And in a somewhat similar manner parodies on this famous poem seem to start up on every hand. One, not yet mentioned, appeared in _Figaro_, November 29, 1876.