"Beware tobacco's withered plant! Beware of vinous stimulant!" This was the gov'nor's last good-bye, A voice replied, from out the fly, "Those horrid schools!" VII. At break of day, as through the gloom The scout when going from room to room, Uttered the oft repeated call, A voice came from the bedroom small, "Those horrid schools!" VIII. The poor young sap asleep quite sound, Half buried in the sheets was found, Still grasping, nibbled by the mice, An Ethics with the strange device, "Those horrid schools!" IX. There in the twilight, cold and grey, Dirty, unwashen, there he lay, While from his scout the sentence flowed, "Oh drat those books--them schools be blowed, "Them 'orrid schools!" _College Rhymes_, 1861 THAT THIRTY-FOUR. (The following parody was selected for a prize in a competition, by the editor of _Truth_, and appeared in that paper on November 25th, 1880. It refers to the American puzzle, called "Thirty-four," which was then very popular). Chill August's storms were piping loud, When through a gaping London crowd, There passed a youth, who still was heard To mutter the perplexing word, "That Thirty-four!" His eyes were wild; his brow above Was crumpled like an old kid glove; And like some hoarse crow's grating note That word still quivered in his throat, "That Thirty-four!" "Oh, give it up!" his comrades said, "It only muddles your poor head; It is not worth your finding out." He answered with a wailing shout, "That Thirty-four!" "Art not content," the maiden said, "To solve the 'Fifteen' one instead?" He paused-his tearful eyes he dried-- Gulped down a sob, then sadly sighed, "That Thirty-four!" At midnight, on their high resort, The cats were startled at their sport, To hear, beneath one roof, a tone Gasp out, betwixt a snore and groan, "That Thirty-four!" * * * * * TOBACCO SMOKE! The clouds or smoke were rising fast, As through a college room there passed A youth who bore, 'spite sage advice, A "baccy"-pouch with strange device, "Tobacco smoke!" His brow was sad; his eye beneath Stared on a pipe, laid in its sheath, And in his ears there ever rung The accents of the donor's tongue, "Tobacco smoke!" * * * * * "Try not the shag!" the old man said, It is o'er strong for thy young head, Dire its effects to those untried Heedless he was, and but replied, "Tobacco smoke!"