Outside louder grew the knockings, Till I shook within my stockings, And then there came a thundering bang, Far louder than before; While the ponderous parlour table Danced as fast as it was able Kicking up a noise like Babel, Which I could not well explore; Let my legs be firm a moment, And this mystery explore―― ’Tis a drunken man, no more. For now I well remember, In the dark days of December, Full many a drouthy crony Proceeds from door to door―― Pouring forth the flowing whiskey, And, thereby getting frisky, Plays many a curious plisky, And raises many a splore―― It may be spirit rappers On t’other side the door―― Only that, and nothing more. So pulling up my breeches, With many tugs and hitches, I turned the key within the lock And opened wide the door, When arose a mighty bawling, And a sudden stick came mauling, That sent me quickly sprawling, Sprawling on the parlour floor; And I said _that_ spirit rapping I very much deplore―― I think I rather swore. And, shouting for a bobby, Till my voice rang through the lobby, I made efforts to collect myself Lying spilt upon the floor; But it is a fact outrageous That no guardian beak courageous, With whiskers so umbrageous, Hears, however loud you roar; So, assisted by the poker, I crawled towards the door―― Darkness there, and nothing more. Still the table it kept prancing, And a private hornpipe dancing, As if its soul rejoiced to see The sufferings that I bore. Wrathful at the wooden joker, I smashed it with the poker, When the loud tumultuous knocker Fled from my chamber door, Shouting out, to spirit rappers, “Never open wide your door any more.” And I murmured, “Nevermore!” ―――――――― THE DRAMA DESPONDENT! (_A Poe-etical Parody._) As one evening in my study, seated by the firelight ruddy, I was busily absorbing portions of dramatic lore, Suddenly I heard a creaking, as of some one slyly sneaking (Setting both the hinges squeaking), sneaking through my study door. And I murmured, _sotto voce_, “Who’s that fiddling with the door? Doubtless some unwelcome bore!” “Come in!” I sternly muttered, while my breast with anger fluttered, When there sidled in a Figure, such as ne’er was seen before; Like some stagey apparition, in a woe-begone condition―― And it took up its position just inside my chamber-door. “What might be your name?” I asked it. And it answered from the door―― “I’m the Drama!”――nothing more!