Who eats your dinners, then looks shrewd, Wishes you had a cook like _Ude_,[24] For then, much oft’ner would intrude―― Your Friend. Who tells you that you’ve shocking wine, And owns that, though his port’s not fine, Crockford’s the only place to dine? Your Friend! Who wheedles you with words most fond, To sign for him a heavy bond? “Or else, by Jove, must quick abscond?” Your Friend! Who makes you all the interest pay With principal, some future day, And laughs at what you then may say? Your Friend! Who makes deep love unto your wife, Knowing you prize her more than life, And breeds between you hate and strife? Your Friend! Who, when you’ve got into a brawl, Insists that out your man you call, Then gets you shot, which ends it all? Your Friend? From _The Keepsake_. ANOTHER FRIEND. When Satan for his sins was driven Forth from the eternal joys of heaven, We read that unto him was given A Stick. In infancy, what was my pride? What was’t for which I often cried? What did I saddle, mount, and ride? My Stick. And when my tardy teens began, I flourish’d oft my gay rattan, Thou graced me while I ape’d the man, My Stick. Theatre, market, church, or fair, Wherever I am, thou art there, Ev’n children cry――there goes a pair Of Sticks. But till my door of life is shut Till in my kindred earth I’m put, Till life’s extinct, I’ll never cut My Stick. ――――:o:―――― WOMAN. When our first parents liv’d in blissful ease, In Eden’s flowery fields, enjoying peace, Who was it caus’d those blissful days to cease? A Woman. Who was’t (beguil’d by our inveterate foe), Gave to man’s happiness a mortal blow, And brought into the world, sin, death, and woe? A Woman. When Lot from his detested country fled, Who was’t the heavenly mandate disobey’d, And to the city turned her daring head? A Woman. Who was’t, with naked and resistless charms, Rais’d in King David’s bosom wild alarms, And clasp’d the monarch in adultrous arms? A Woman. Who was’t inflam’d King Ahab’s lurking vice, His thirst of blood, his grasping avarice, And caus’d the wretched Naboth’s sacrifice? A Woman. Who was’t (enamour’d of the Phrygian boy, King Priam’s blooming hope) with secret joy, Left her brave spouse, and fir’d Imperial Troy? A Woman.