To shave, or not to shave; the question is, Whether ’tis better, on the human phiz, To let accumulation of our hair Cover the chins and lips which now are bare; Or to continue still to scrape away The hirsute ornament from day to day.―― To lather――shave――perchance to gash the face? Ay, there’s the rub; for, in this latter case, What mis’ry’s ours! ’Tis this must give us pause, And makes us rather let alone our jaws, Than by continuance in the bar’brous use, Cut, scratch, and lacerate them like the deuce, For if it actually were the case, That Nature never meant the human face To be so teased and tortured as it is―― If so, I say, why then what business Have mortals virtually to cry out That Nature knew not what she was about? Why since the beard was evidently meant To grow, should men be seemingly intent On trying to prove Nature was a dunce, And did not know her trade? Why not at once Pluck out the eyebrows, and extract the nails, And shave the heads of females, and of males? Strange ’tis that men should worship fashion, so As to be willing thus to undergo The pains of shaving, rather than permit Moustache and beard to grow as they think fit. How singular that men should still delight In torturing their faces, when they might Themselves their comfort, ease, and health obtain By vowing they will never shave again? But ’tis the dread of ridicule and scorn Makes the foul fashion easy to be borne. Thus custom of us all doth cowards make, And for this savage custom, then, we take The trouble and the pains our chins to mow, Because it is the fashion to do so. But thus our chins will soon no more, I hope, Be lather’d o’er with the pale suds of soap. Soon shall moustache and beard once more on all Our chins wag merrily, in street and hall! _Diogenes_, March, 1854. ――――:o:―――― A SOLILOQUY WHILST SHAVING.